


The Unpleasant Truth

by Astronaut_Milky



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Romantic Comedy, Developing Relationship, First Meetings, Humor, M/M, The Ugly Truth AU, ooc at the start
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-04 05:24:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12764076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astronaut_Milky/pseuds/Astronaut_Milky
Summary: Rafael turned back to his drink, his face flushed with fury.What an asshole.What a fucking arrogant, cute, dumb asshole.He shook his head and downed the rest of his scotch.If he never saw that man again, his life would be perfect.Just perfect.





	1. Just Perfect

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to My Trash.  
> Better known as, my take on the ridiculous film The Ugly Truth, Barisi-style  
> I'd like to preface this by saying, I didn't know which character would be which until I heard Gerard Butler's accent in the film, and then I needed Sonny Carisi to be his character. So here we are.  
> Suspend your disbelief, and join me on this ridiculous ride!
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!

Rafael stormed down the hallway to his office, phone glued to his ear, terrible bodega coffee in hand.

“Don’t be ridiculous, that’s a terrible deal and you know it.”

_“Rafael, this is the best deal for my client and yourself.”_

He rolled his eyes as he approached Carmen’s desk.

“You can do better than this, Rita,” he lectured, before hanging up on her. “Carmen. Got anything for me?”

Carmen shot out of her chair, files in hand, following Rafael into his office.

“Well, you’re due in court in an hour for the Costello arraignment. Lunch with Rita at 12:30-”

“Oh that’s going to be fun,” he muttered as he removed his coat to hang up.

“Next, we have a problem.”

Rafael dropped into his chair and drained the luke-warm coffee still left in his takeaway cup.

“There are no problems Carmen, only solutions.”

Carmen handed over a file with a post-it note on top.

“Buchanan called. He claims he’s not accepting the deal as they’ve found a new witness.”

Rafael sighed.

“That _is_ a problem. Okay, call him back. Tell him to come by at 3 o’clock. Liv told me she found some new surveillance footage, with any luck it’ll dispute Buchanan’s witness.”

Carmen dutifully wrote down Rafael’s instructions, before handing over one more file.

“Lastly, you have your date tonight, 7 o’clock.”

Rafael scanned the dating profile Carmen had printed out.

“First of all, I regret ever telling you about my love life. Second of all, I don’t know if I’ll have time-”

“I’ve already made sure no one will bother you tonight. Appointment’s were pushed to tomorrow, _and_ Liv is under explicit orders not to contact you tonight.”

Rafael shook his head slightly. He knew Carmen’s heart was in the right place, and truth be told, this guy _did_ seem fairly decent. His picture was cute, and he fit seven out of the ten requirements for any possible partner of his. Plus, the background check he’d asked Carmen to run had turned up a clean, respectable past.

He fought to hide the excitement bubbling under the surface, purely so Carmen didn't get too cocky.

“Okay, I'll go.”

 

He smoothed his hair down one last time, brushed down imaginary wrinkles on his perfectly pressed suit, before he stepped up to the lady working at the front of the restaurant. He felt his heart start racing at the thought of meeting the man. His picture was nice, and he vacationed in the Bahamas. That alone was worth seeing this date through.

“Hi, I'm looking for a reservation under Smith? Alex Smith?” She checked the name against her list. “He'd be a short, dark-haired man. Well, not short. He's 5’6. It's not that short, it's just shorter than me, and I'd be willing to look past it for that credit score-”

His rambling was cut short by a tap on his shoulder. He turned to be met with a curious pair of eyes, attached to a fairly cute guy. Alex.

“Actually, I'm 5’7,” he joked, clearly a little embarrassed from hearing Rafael's rambling.

“Right this way, gentlemen.” The waitress led them to their table.

 

The restaurant was nice. Just… nice. Not Rafael's first choice, but he wasn't going to complain. Not when a beautiful man was sitting across from him.

“So…” Rafael started.

“Can I get you start you off with anything?” their waitress chimed in.

“Just some water, and two glasses of the 2011 champagne.” Alex ordered from the menu.

Rafael felt his eyebrows raise. He waved off the waitress when she turned to him, before returning his eyes to the menu before him.

“Did you know that champagne isn’t actually champagne if it’s not from the Champagne region in France?”

Alex seemed confused, but Rafael didn't care. This was a interesting fact, but also he hoped to educate the other man.

“Oh… I didn’t know that.”

“I can tell. Purely because the wine you ordered is from the Napa Valley. Therefore it’s sparkling wine, not champagne”

Alex seemed more confused.

How was he not getting this?

“Right.” He glanced around the room. Rafael could feel the conversation becoming awkward. That wouldn't do.

“So… You like red wine?”

Alex turned to look at him.

“Uh, yeah, a bit. Nothing beats a good beer though.”

Rafael felt his eyebrows furrow. That wasn't right.

“Your profile said you liked red wine.” He could feel this turning into an interrogation of sorts. Alex shrugged.

“I mean, I do? I dunno, I thought beer would make me sound boring.”

Rafael nodded slightly. He wasn't wrong. That didn't stop him from reaching into his pocket and pulling out the dating profile Carmen had printed.

“So when you said you liked musicals?”

Alex seemed to be growing more and more confused by the second.

“I like them. I saw Mamma Mia. Is that my profile?”

Rafael calmed down slightly. That was good.

“On Broadway?”

“The movie.”

And just like that, interrogation mode was switched back on.

“What about fine dining?”

Alex gestured to the restaurant they were in. Rafael shook his head. “What about your credit score?”

Alex’s face switched from confusion to shock in an instant.

“That wasn't in my profile.”

“No, no,” Rafael reached into his suit pocket and pulled out a mini legal pad. “That was from the background check my assistant ran.”

“Oh dear lord,” Alex muttered. “What is that?”

“Topics of conversation curated from your profiles. I wanted to make sure the conversation wouldn't dwindle.”

If Rafael was paying attention, he would've noticed the utter horror plastered across Alex's face. Instead, he was focused on finding the right page.

“Oh, here we go. Let's start with this question.”

 

Rafael planted himself onto the wooden bar stool and ordered a drink. He was at a local bar, rustic yet wild. Loads of people laughing and shouting, providing enough noise to drown out his thoughts.

The date had ended before dessert. Rafael could tell he was being let down gently, which hurt even more. He's not sure where it went wrong, though he suspected it was sometime around when he asked whether Alex really preferred dogs over cats. Alex had said he didn't care. Didn't care. Rafael shook his head as he took a sip of his scotch, enjoying the burn making its way down his throat. He couldn't be with someone who didn't have opinion on things important to him, even if he disagreed.

A ridiculously obnoxious laugh drew him from his wallowing.

A ridiculous laugh, followed by a slightly drunk, ridiculous accent sounding from beside him.

“Look, you keep getting your heart broken because you're being yourself,” the ridiculous accent said, as if it was that simple.

“What on earth does that mean?” A woman asked incredulously. Rafael felt childish listening in, but he also wanted to know exactly what the man meant.

“It means what I said. You're saying on first dates that you love staying in with a good book, and that you can't wait to get married? What man wants to hear that?”

Rafael scoffed, earning himself a confused look from the woman.

“I'm just telling him the truth!”

The brash man let out a loud, fake laugh.

“Oh, the truth. You want hear the truth? No man wants that. Straight men want tits and ass and a good time, and yes, that's even in a relationship. Gay men want a good ass, an even better dick, and a top to their bottom. And vice versa. A lack of a gag reflex is also a requirement.”

“Jesus Christ,” Rafael muttered into his drink. He spotted a movement out of the corner of his eye, and when he followed it he was met with the most arrogant face he'd ever encountered.

“You got something to say?” the man asked, leaning against the bar on his elbows like he fucking knew everything.

“Just that your generalisation of the male populace is, quite frankly, embarrassing.”

The younger man let out a quick laugh.

“Generalisation, huh? Listen, I'm a man. I date men. I've had experience with said male populace. And when you've had as much experience as I've had, you get to know what men want. Clearly, your lack of experience is letting you down.” He took a swig of his beer, and Rafael felt an incredulous rage seethe through him.

“I've had plenty of experience thank you very much, and I can tell you that the calibre of men I’ve dated is nothing like what you just described,” he shot back. He noted the female friend smirking, watching the back and forth like it was the greatest feud she'd ever seen.

“Who is he then?”

Such a simple question, that somehow managed to floor Rafael.

“I'm sorry?”

“This 'perfect man’… who is he?”

Rafael had never been one to resort to violence, but right now he was ready to deck this random stranger.

“He-” Rafael nearly dropped that he wasn't seeing anyone. “He's beautiful.” The lie slipped out before he could stop himself. “Sweet. Romantic. Loves going to museums on weekends. Wine tastings. Loves dogs, though he'd rather own a cat. Does the Times crossword.”

The younger man nodded along, feigning interest.

“And your sex life?”

“I- what?”

“You and this perfect man. Sex life. How is it?”

“I…”

Here he sat, Rafael Barba, King of Words and Wits, silent.

“Wait. Wait, hold a fucking minute. Is he even real?”

“Well I- I never said-”

“This perfect man, all romance and cuddles, you haven't even met him!”

With that, he cackled. He fucking cackled. Rafael was shaking with pure fury.

The stranger wiped tears from his eyes.

“Oh man, face the facts. You keep trying to find this amazing, perfect, unrealistic man, you're gonna end up alone, with only your cat to keep you company.” He drained the rest of his beer. “And yes, I can tell you own a cat.”

Then before Rafael could get in the last word, the arrogant asshole sauntered out, his friend trailing after him.

Rafael turned back to his drink, his faced flushed with fury.

What an asshole.

What a fucking arrogant, cute, dumb asshole.

He shook his head and downed the rest of his scotch.

If he never saw that man again, his life would be perfect.

Just perfect.

 

The next morning, Rafael was two coffees in when he reached the precinct. Two coffees which had done exactly nothing to curb his hangover, which was quietly pounding behind his eyes. So when he stepped into the bullpen, he had no desire to deal with the squad, opting to stride straight to Liv’s office.

He opened the door without knocking, ready to sit opposite Liv at her desk, but the chair was already taken.

He recognised the back of the head.

The familiar slouch.

His stomach curled, only partially due to the hangover.

It couldn't be.

“Barba. Glad you're here,” Liv greeted him, leaving her chair to step next to him. Sure enough, the asshole from last night left his chair to greet him.

When their eyes locked, Rafael expected shock. Regret. Instead, he received the most shit-eating smirk he'd ever witnessed. Aside from his own.

“Ah, the famous ADA Barba,” he reached his hand out to shake Rafael's. He accepted, using every ounce of his strength to crush the younger man's pale hand. He prayed for a flinch, or a quick recoil. Nothing. Infuriating. “Dominick Carisi Jr. But please, call me Sonny.”

 _Not on your damn life,_ he wanted to shoot back, letting go of his hand.

“Carisi here, is studying law-”

“Fordham.” Every time he spoke, Rafael found a new thing to despise.

“So while you're working the Rellis case, I'm gonna lend him to you to help out. We need to nail this guy, so it's all hands on deck.”

Rafael wanted to vomit, and not from the hangover.

“No.” It slipped out before he could stop himself.

Sonny- Carisi smirked. Liv seemed surprised.

“It's just for the trial prep.”

“No.” He was more firm this time. This would not be happening. Liv sighed. He knew he sounded like a brat, and he honestly didn't care.

“Carisi, go sort out the witness statements.”

Rafael was going to avoid eye contact as Carisi walked out. Was. Instead, he let his eyes glance just as Carisi left, which he regretted instantly as Carisi winked at him.

The second the door shut, Rafael whipped around to Liv.

“Absolutely not.”

“Rafael, he will be fine. It's mostly for the hand-holding. You know, the one thing you explicitly said that you hate doing.”

Rafael rolled his eyes.

“I will gladly hold anyone's hand if it means that oaf doesn't work anywhere near me.”

Liv seemed confused, understandably so.

“You just met him. Sure, he's a little rough around the edges, but he's only just really started. Plus, he's got good instincts.”

Rafael shook his head.

“I don't care. No.”

Liv straightened up, her expression so fierce Rafael almost cowered. Almost.

“Barba, we need to win this case. So I don't care what hangups you have about him, you need his help.”

With that, she stepped around her desk and sat in her chair. Rafael opened his mouth to argue, but Liv cut him off.

“This may come as a surprise, but this isn't about you or your stubbornness. This is about the case. The victim. Rose needs you, and us, to band together and win this for her. So suck it up, and work with Carisi.”

Rafael huffed. She was right. He hated it, but she was right.

“Fine,” he let out with a groan. Liv gave him a small smile that told him she knew she would get her way. “You're paying for the alcohol I'm going to need to get through this.”

“Anything to help,” she laughed out.

He turned and exited the office, ready to face the horrors of working with this immature, brash, disgusting man.

 

__________________

 

 

Sonny was waiting. Waiting for Barba to leave Liv's office. He had only known her for a couple of weeks, but he knew she'd get her way.

He still couldn't believe it. The romantic fool from last night was the great ADA Barba he had heard so much about. Sonny was still struggling to put the two men together in his mind as the one entity, when Liv's door burst open.

Rollins and Amaro shot each other a sly grin as Barba marched over to Sonny's desk.

“Right. You. Follow me.”

Sonny tried not to laugh as he did as he was told. It was almost cute how the shorter man was trying to take back some control.

Sonny bit his tongue until they stepped into the elevator.

“Where are we going, Counselor?”

Barba rolled his eyes and god, Sonny was going to have fun with him.

“I'm going to need more coffee if I'm going to have to deal with you for the unforeseeable future.”

Sonny could feel a smirk coming on, but he forced it down.

“Aw come on, Counselor. I'm not that bad.” He purposefully bumped Barba’s elbow with his own, causing another eyeroll.

“Christ, you're insufferable,” he muttered.

Sonny didn't even pretend to be offended.

“You know Counselor, if you didn't have that righteous stick of yours shoved so far up your ass, I'd be hitting on you in a heartbeat.” Barba scoffed, though Sonny did notice his cheeks flush a little. Sonny leaned in close. “You know, then you could have something else up there.”

Barba's eyes widened, and he turned completely to Sonny.

“That's completely inappropriate, Detective.”

Sonny then rolled his eyes.

“Man, Barba, would you lighten up? It's called a joke.”

Barba still seemed completely offended.

“If you could refrain from jokes involving me or my- my-”

“Orifices?” Sonny offered, earning himself another offended glare.

“Involving me. In any capacity.” The doors opened. “Tomorrow morning. My office. 10am,” Barba ordered, stepping out of the elevator.

“Looking forward to it, Counselor.”

His back was turned, but Sonny could tell he'd earned himself another eyeroll. He took the opportunity to check out the attorney’s ass as he left the building. Oh, this really would be fun.

  



	2. There's Rules?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let's say I help you nab this guy. You stop giving me shit and let me do my job.”
> 
> Barba considered that for a moment.
> 
> “And if your help doesn't… help?”
> 
> Sonny smirked.
> 
> “I will make sure I don't work with you for at least a month.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Chapter 2 guys!
> 
> I hope you enjoy the ridiculousness so far, because it has been so much fun to write. Things are starting to happen!
> 
> Please remember to leave kudos and comments, as I am trash that craves acknowledgement.

Rafael struggled to open the door to his building, trying not to spill the grocery bags bundled in his arms. He managed to push through unscathed, made his way over to the elevator and pressed the button to summon it.

The building door opened again. He heard footsteps heading towards the mailboxes. He snuck a glance and  _ god _ , he was glad he did.

The most attractive man he'd ever seen was collecting his mail. Dressed head to toe in athletic gear, way too revealing given the weather outside. His bronze skin glistened from sweat, and Rafael almost keeled over from just the shorts alone. Short enough to show Rafael exactly how toned his legs were, tight enough to show off his tight ass.

The elevator doors opened just as the man lifted his shirt to wipe off some forehead sweat, revealing the hottest set of abs Rafael had ever seen.

He kept his eyes locked on the six-pack as he stepped forward, causing him to trip over and fall face first into the elevator. The doors tried to shut on his legs, and if Rafael could die from embarrassment, he gladly would at this very moment.

  
  


Rafael wasn't quite sure how he had ended up here. One moment he was face down, explicitly praying to God for his timely death, and the next moment he was in an apartment. Not his apartment. His super attractive neighbour’s. His super attractive neighbour who was a doctor, and who was checking Rafael's wrist. Rafael tried not to blush at the skin to skin contact.

“Well, it doesn't seem to be broken or sprained,” he assessed, finally lifting his head to look at Rafael. Beautiful, hazel eyes. “Just don't do too much writing or typing for the next few days, and you'll be fine.”

Rafael let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding.

“Well that's good to know. I'll make sure to rest it.”

The gorgeous stranger gave him a warm smile that he felt to his toes. He then stood up and made his way over to a coat rack near the front door. Rafael took this chance to study the apartment. Modern, sleek, clean. So far he had ticked half the boxes on Rafael's checklist.

He made his way back over to Rafael and handed him a business card.

“I put my cell number on the back. If you have any problems with your wrist, let me know.” Rafael almost snipped at the potential innuendo, until he noticed the sincere expression on his face. He looked to the business card. Colin Erickson.

“I'll hold you to that, Colin.”

The man- Colin, helped him to his feet. He then scooped up the long-forgotten groceries.

“You sure you'll be fine holding these?”

Rafael nodded, taking them into his arms.

“I'm sure. I'm only down the hall.” 

Colin opened the door for him, and Rafael stepped through. They stopped for a moment, staring at each other, wondering how to say goodbye.

“Better not let your cat go hungry,” Colin said. Rafael was about to ask if he had 'I own a cat’ tattooed on his forehead, when Colin gestured to his bags. Cat food. Right on top.

“No, she won't like that.”

Colin smiled again, and Rafael felt it to his bones again.

“Nice to meet you…”

“Rafael. Nice to meet you too, Colin.”

Colin closed the door, and Rafael nearly squealed as he strutted down the hallway.

  
  


The next morning, Rafael was certain nothing could wipe the smile off his face. Not the barista messing up his order twice. Not Rita making an appointment that he apparently couldn’t get out of. Not even a certain foul-mouthed detective who was sprawled on his office lounge like he owned it. Although it was becoming increasingly difficult, he was determined to keep on smiling.

“What’s had you smiling for the past hour?” Rafael wondered if it was possible to beat the accent out of someone.

“None of your business. Get back to work,” he ordered, forcing his eyes to remain on his paperwork. 

He spied a movement which brought his eyeline up. Carisi had walked around the desk, and was now  _ sitting _ on it. Right next to Rafael.

“Do you mind?”

“Not at all. Just curious about who managed to get your lips to do that.”

Rafael was no longer smiling, which pissed him off even more. 

“None of your  _ business _ ,” he reiterated.

Sonny leaned in closer, and Rafael got a whiff of his cologne. Surprisingly expensive. Not that it mattered.

“I can think of more creative uses for a mouth like that.”

Rafael gripped his pen tightly, and opened his mouth to retort, when there was a knock at the door. Carmen poked her head in.

“Mr Barba? Rita is here to see you.”

“Let her in,” he instructed before turning to Carisi. “Are you right, perched on my desk like this?”

“Oh I’m fine,” he responded, flashing a smile he clearly thought was charming. Rafael found it infuriating.

“Alright Barba, this new deal you’ve- oh. Hello,” Rita stopped herself as she stormed in, noticing Carisi still sitting on the desk. “You’re new.”

Carisi left his spot, rounding the desk to Rita, who was giving Rafael a highly confused look.

“Detective Carisi. And you must be the fabulous Rita Calhoun,” he offered his hand as he spoke. 

“Fabulous?” she questioned with a raised eyebrow, shaking the young detective’s hand.

“Absolutely. Though no one told me you’d be so beautiful too.”

Rafael rolled his eyes so hard he had to drop his head back. Did he really think this would work?

A giggle brought his eyes back to the situation at hand. A  _ giggle. _

“Why haven’t we met yet, Detective?”

“Well-”

“If you two are done with the pleasantries, can we get started? I don’t have all day, Rita.”

Rita turned to him like she had only just remembered he was in the room.

“Of course, Barba.”

“Don't mind him,” Carisi muttered to Rita, purposefully loud enough that Rafael could hear him. “He's just pissed because his love life is failing and he's too wound up in fantasies to notice.”

Rita raised her eyebrows in glee. Rafael never really talked about his relationships, especially with Rita.

“Is that so?”

“Carisi, this is highly inapp-”

“No, no. I want to hear this. What fantasies do you mean?”

Carisi leaned against the desk, his back turned to Rafael.

“He's a romantic. Believes men are looking for someone to go to museums and wine tastings, blah blah, all that fluffy shit.”

Rafael clasped his hands together, silently praying for his immediate death. Particularly due to the look Rita was giving him. She was enjoying this way too much.

“And you believe otherwise, Detective?”

His back was turned, but Rafael was sure he was giving Rita that faux-charming smile.

“Not believe. Know.”

For a hot second, Rafael swore Rita was about to pounce on the detective.

The tension was broken by a phone ringing. Carisi's phone. He checked the message, before turning to Rafael slightly.

“Liv wants me back at the station. I'll be back tomorrow to help with Rose. Lovely to meet you Rita.”

He winked to her, before leaving the room with a confident stride. Rita placed a hand dramatically to her chest, gazing after the detective.

“He is divine.”

Rafael rolled his eyes.

“He is disgusting,” he gritted out. 

Rita turned to him fully.

“So… Rafael Barba is a romantic now, is he?”

“Rita if you ever mention this to anyone, I will be mailing out the pictures from the Summer of ‘02.”

Her face flashed with the smallest amount of fear. She sat in the chair in front of Rafael.

“So this deal…”

 

______________

  
  


Sonny and Barba were standing in front of Rose Perdikaris, the latest victim of Andrew Rellis, and one of two victims who was willing to testify against him. Well, somewhat willing. They had just finished trial prep, and Sonny had noticed that Rose seemed hesitant.

“I just- is it going to be that bad?” she choked out, tears pooling in her eyes.

Sonny placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

“I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it'll be easy. The truth is, it's going to be hard. But you're strong. You will get through this.”

She gave him a small smile. Enough to tell Sonny she would do it.

“And I'm going to be right there to make sure the defense doesn't badger you,” Barba also reassured. She turned her smile towards him.

“Thank you. Thank you both.”

Sonny removed his hand and put it in his pocket.

“We'll see you on Friday, okay?”

She nodded her confirmation, before leaving the two men alone in the hallway.

Sonny let out a huge sigh and turned to Barba, who was looking at him with curiosity. For a moment. Then the usual disdain washed over him.

“I'm surprised you had it in you,” Barba snipped at him, his tone harsher than what he used with Rose.

“I'm sorry?” Sonny crossed his arms over his chest.

“The ability to talk to another human being without being a total Neanderthal,” Barba said as he started walking. Sonny followed along, keeping pace with the lawyer.

“We're not talking about the case, are we?" When Barba didn't reply, he kept on talking. "Oh Counselor, you're still bitter? You make me seem like I'm a horrible person for speaking the truth about love.”

Barba huffed out a laugh.

“The truth? I think you mean your truth. Your jaded, twisted, sad version of the truth.” Barba pushed the courthouse doors open, and made a point not to hold them open for Sonny. Luckily Sonny was quick and stepped through before they could slam in his face.

“I think you just can't admit that not only am I right, but that I'm also good at my job.” Barba didn't respond. Sonny glanced over to see pursed lips, flared nostrils and a glare that could murder. “I'm right, you actually think I'm good at my job!”

“I never said that,” he shot back quickly. Too quick to be true.

“Oh man, this must be killing you,” he laughed out.

“What is?” Sonny noted when he was really pissed off, Barba enunciated every single letter of his words.

He leaned in a little, keeping his eyes focused forwards.

“I'm under your skin, Counselor.”

Barba shook his head, though Sonny saw the beginnings of a smile in the corners of his mouth.

  
  


By the time they reached Barba's office, the sun was hidden behind clouds, casting an unusual darkness across the city. Barba was almost smiling again.

“So, how's your man?” He asked after they had greeted Carmen and taken their usual seats. Sonny chose not to dwell on why he considered the lounge his usual seat, especially considering he'd been working at it for one day.

“Do you understand the meaning of 'none of your business’?” Barba kept his focus on the paperwork he had already started on.

“I understand it, but I'm happy to ignore it to hear more about this imaginary man of yours.” He plastered a cheeky smirk on his face, one designed to drive Barba crazy. Sure enough, his head whipped up.

“Not imaginary, Carisi.”

Unlikely.

“Oh? Has your desperation willed him into existence?”

Barba's nostrils flared. Sonny didn't know why that turned him on a little, but he wasn't going to go down that rabbit hole.

“He's always been real. He's a doctor. A very sweet man, he's unbelievably gorgeous. And he loves cats,” he added on quickly.

Sonny's eyebrows raised high on his forehead.

“Good to know I was right about the cat thing.” Those nostrils flared again, coupled with a powerful eyeroll. “I'm also having trouble believing this guy actually exists.”

Sonny was definitely giving a challenge. He wasn't sure exactly where it would end up, but he was very excited to see the results.

Barba's back straightened.

_ Here we go. _

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card. He then picked up the landline phone on his desk and started punching in a number.

“What are you doing?” Sonny asked, leaping from the lounge to approach. Barba lifted a finger to silence him, but it didn't stop Sonny from walking around the desk to take a seat on the edge.

“Hello, I was hoping to speak to Colin Erickson?”

Sonny was floored. He was actually calling this guy?

With a quick movement he pressed the speaker button on the phone console. Barba tried to slap his hand away but it was too late.

_“Hello?”_

Barba faltered, like he wasn't going to go through with it. So Sonny gave him a challenging stare, daring him to hang up.

“Hello, Colin? It's Rafael. We met the other night. We live in the same building.”

_“Uh, yeah. Hi.”_

Sonny was using every fibre of his being not to laugh. This guy sounded hot. He also sounded like he was not interested whatsoever.

“I was just wondering if you'd like to get dinner sometime this week.” Barba raised his eyebrows at Sonny, like he was winning this battle.

_“Oh… uh, listen-”_

“I'm free on Friday, but Saturday could work for me as well.”

The second hand embarrassment coursing through Sonny's body was almost enough to intervene. Almost. The desire to see where this went, however, was overpowering.

_“Well I don't- I don't know if-”_

With a quick movement, Sonny pressed the button to hang up. 

Barba froze.

“Did you just-”

Sonny grabbed the phone and put it in its usual spot.

“Just wait,” Sonny instructed.

“Did you just hang up on him?” Barba reached for the phone, but Sonny swatted his hand away. “How could you-”

“He's expecting you to call him back. Wait and he'll call you.”

“But I-”

“Barba, trust me on this. Wait.”

He never actually expected Barba to listen, which is why he was surprised when he turned to the phone and stared. He never picked it up though.

The phone started ringing. Barba's eyes widened in shock and he turned to Sonny, pleading for help.

“What do I-”

“Answer, but say another guy's name. Or a girl's, if you really want to fuck with him. Say it's someone you're seeing.”

Barba answered the phone, putting it on speaker.

“Hey, Jeremy!” His voice was way too high-pitched to be believable.

_“Uh, no. It's Colin.”_

“Oh. Oops.” Sonny cringed. Had he never told a lie before? He was a lawyer, surely he would have.

_“Um, who's Jeremy?”_

Barba turned to Sonny, his face coated in worry. Sonny just gestured for him to continue.

“Oh, just a guy I've been seeing. No big deal, super casual.” 

Sonny wanted to bash his head against the desk out of total embarrassment. There was no way this guy would believe him.

“Put him on hold,” Sonny whispered. Barba gave him a look that screamed 'are you insane?’ but Sonny held his ground.

“Uh, Colin, could you hold on one second?”

_“Ummm, sure. I guess. Is-”_

Sonny pressed the hold button for him.

“If you're going to keep doing that, could you at least let him finish his sentence?”

“No.” 

“So… what now?” Barba seemed nervous. Sonny soaked in the image, ready to use it as ammunition later.

“Now? We wait.” Barba rolled his eyes, which seemed to be a common trait of his. “Trust me, Counselor. No one waits on the line to blow someone off. If he's still waiting after 30 seconds, he's into you. All yours. Your bitch, for lack of a better word.”

Barba scoffed.

“I don't want him to be my bitch. Not that he would be. He's mature with his emotions.”

Sonny rolled his eyes as he pulled himself off the desk.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure he's real mature, super in touch with his emotions,” he parroted, circling the desk to the chair opposite Barba.

“Exactly. Nothing like the dregs of society I'm sure you date.”

Sonny couldn't stop the laugh that burst out of him.

“'Dregs’. That's a new one. Look, what I'm trying to say is, I can help you. I know all about lust and seduction, two things you clearly know nothing about.”

Barba's eyes narrowed.

“Well I know all about the law and its successful practice, two things you clearly know nothing about.”

Sonny chuckled at the failed attempt to insult him.

“How about I offer you a deal? Because you honestly look like you need some help.”

Barba's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“What kind of deal?”

Sonny shrugged.

“Let's say I help you nab this guy. You stop giving me shit and let me do my job.”

Barba considered that for a moment.

“And if your help doesn't… help?”

Sonny smirked.

“I will make sure I don't work with you for at least a month.”

Barba was the one smirking now, as if he'd just received the best deal of the century.

“Two months.”

“Five weeks.” Barba considered it, then opened his mouth to respond. Sonny cut him off. “It's been 30 seconds.”

It seemed Barba had forgotten the call. He took the phone off hold, and sure enough, Colin was still waiting.

“Deal,” Barba mouthed to him.

_“Hello?”_

Sonny once again hung up the phone, then stood up and grabbed his coat.

“Does this entire plan involve you hanging up on him?”

Sonny gestured for Barba to follow him.

“He's gonna call back in a second.”

Sure enough, as soon as Barba reached Sonny by the door, the phone started ringing.

“Oh my god,” Barba whispered as they left the office.

Sonny felt a surge of confidence course through his body. Confidence, mixed with something he couldn't quite place. Either way, he was pretty damn pleased with himself.

 

**_______________**

  
  


Rafael tried to keep up with Carisi’s gangly legs sauntering down the hallway.

“Carisi, where are we going?”

They reached the elevators, and the detective pressed the button to call it.

“Well, you've got a lot of work ahead of you to actually appear to be sexually appealing to a man, so we're gonna go for lunch before I head back to the precinct.”

They stepped into the elevator.

“Are you saying I'm ugly?” he replied incredulously. He wasn't exactly a model, but he knew he wasn't unattractive. Carisi gave him a once-over with his striking blue eyes, and when did Rafael start noticing the colour of them?

“Definitely not. You've got a good sense of style, but…”

Rafael studied his own outfit. It was a damn expensive suit, tailored to show off his body in all the right spots. He failed to see the problem.

“Don't just end on a 'but’, tell me what the problem is!”

Carisi appeared to be fighting back laughter, and Rafael was beginning to regret ever accepting this deal. Though he did appear to be correct on everything so far. Not that Rafael would ever admit that out loud.

“We'll go over the rules at lunch.”

Rafael fought the urge to roll his eyes.

“Christ, there's rules?”

The elevator doors opened.

  
  


The two men were seated a nearby hole-in-the-wall Lebanese place, one that Rafael thoroughly enjoyed. Carisi on the other hand, seemed wildly out of his element, which Rafael also enjoyed.

They ordered their meals, Carisi sticking to a safe shawarma. (“It's what Iron Man wanted in The Avengers, right?”)

“Alright, you mentioned rules,” Rafael began, wanting to get the worst over and done with.

“Well, I hope you're ready. No criticising,” Carisi warned.

“What makes you think I would criticise?” Rafael earned himself a look that told him Carisi knew who he was dealing with. “Fair point.”

“Anyway, that's rule number one. No criticising. Men don't want someone to point out all their little flaws.”

“Even if it's constructive?” Rafael spluttered. How ridiculous. Constructive criticism was the backbone to any form of personal development.

“Never. Men are incapable of growth. Self-improvement ended at toilet training.” Rafael gestured to himself to dispute this theory. “My point still stands, Counselor. Rule number two: laugh at whatever he says.”

This was a farce. A total farce.

“So even if his sense of humour is as boring as plain toast, laugh like he's Kathy Griffin?”

Carisi's eyes narrowed and he went quiet. Rafael wondered what he had said to silence the talkative detective.

“I'm going to move past the fact that you just listed Kathy Griffin as your example of comedy, and just know that it is entirely out of pity. But yes, even if it's fake.”

Rafael nodded, contemplating the possibility of faking anything on a date.

The server brought them their meals, which he was grateful for. He constantly forgot to eat meals throughout the day, so this was a welcome rarity.

They ate in silence for a moment.

“Wait… Kathy Griffin? No? Really?”

Sonny shook his head.

“Oh no, definitely not. Not if you ever want to date again.” Rafael laughed against his will. “See? That laugh right there? Perfect.”

Carisi's expression was genuine. If anything, Rafael would say it was affectionate. He ignored the way his heart gave a slight flutter at the sight.

“I'll try and remember that. Any other rules?”

“This one is less a rule, and more a lifestyle change,” Carisi mumbled out through a mouthful of food.

In the middle of bringing his own food to his mouth, Rafael stopped.

“What is it?” he asked warily.

Carisi shrugged.

“You're not going to like it.”

Rafael dropped the food to his plate.

“What is it?” He could feel himself enunciating his consonants and he didn't care.

“Your… aesthetic.”

Rafael once again felt himself questioning his suit, though he shook those thoughts out of his head quickly. He wore stunning suits, and he _rocked_ them.

“I'm going to stop you right there. I am not taking fashion advice from someone who buys their suits off the rack at Target.” Carisi scoffed and muttered something under his breath. “What was that?”

“Not Target. Online.”

Rafael barely heard it, but it was enough that he took a bite of his meal to stop himself from doubling over with laughter.

“Because that's so much better.”

“Anyway, it's not the suits. The suits are good. Great, even. But I'm assuming you wear them on your dates? Tie, suspenders, the works?”

Rafael hummed his agreement as he continued to eat.

“Right, so that may work in the courtroom, but on a date? You look like you're one step away from lecturing them on Contract Law.” Rafael went quiet. He had done that on a date with an accountant once. “You've done that before, haven't you?”

“So what do you propose I wear on dates?” Rafael responded, actively ignoring the question.

“We'll go over the specifics later. It'll need to be a little more hands on,” he said with a wink and a smirk, and the urge to roll his eyes was overpowering. “But the general idea is, you want to look hot. Not good, hot. I'm talking just enough sex that all the guy can think about is sex. You want to look like you've just been sucking some other guys dick in the bathroom.”

Rafael glanced down once again at his outfit. He couldn't pull that off. Maybe in his younger years, but definitely not in his 40’s. He had his dignity after all.

“I don't think I can pull off a sex-in-a-bathroom-stall look, while wearing Armani.”

“Barba, I don't think you know what you're capable of yet.”

The meal was long-forgotten as Rafael tried to picture how he could possibly wear an outfit like that.

“Is there anything else?”

Carisi took one last bite of his meal before setting down his cutlery.

“Alright last rule. Arguably the most important one. Never talk about your problems.”

Rafael shook his head wildly.

“Alright, you know what? This has been an interesting insight into the inner workings of your primitive mind but-”

“Hey, have I failed you yet?”

He would truly rather die than admit that Carisi was right.

“How can we possibly have a relationship if I can't talk about-”

“Listen. A guy asks you how you are, it's code for 'I want to stick my dick in your ass.’” 

Rafael's jaw dropped open.

“That's-”

“Yeah, yeah,” Carisi waved him off. “I know, disgusting, wrong, whatever. All I'm saying is, if a guy is really into you, he's thought about each and every one of your orifices at least 10 times.”

“But I'm not like that.”

Carisi shook his head slightly and gave Rafael a faux-reassuring pat on the arm.

“You keep telling yourself that.” It was then Carisi's phone vibrated with a message. He pulled it out and checked it. “Alright, I've gotta head.” He stood up, pulling his coat on. “Text me your address and I'll stop by later to help with your date look.”

And without another word, he left Rafael sitting alone, questioning everything he thought he knew about men. And if Rafael took the opportunity to check out Carisi's ass as he swaggered out, no one truly had to know.


	3. Green Eyes and Broad Shoulders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you sure?” he breathed out.
> 
> For a brief moment he thought Barba was going to lean in. That is until his lips widened into a satisfied grin.
> 
> “Told you I could flirt.”
> 
> Sonny stepped away shaking his head, while Barba laughed mercilessly.
> 
> “That ain’t funny, Barba.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has probably been my favourite chapter to write so far!  
> I hope you all like it :)  
> As always, kudos and comments babes ;)

“Barba, what's takin’ so long?” Sonny shouted through the spacious apartment.

He'd been on Barba's lounge for ten minutes, waiting for the lawyer to finish altering his look.

“This is ridiculous!” a muffled voice shouted back.

Sonny just rolled his eyes and went back to scrolling through Grindr, scoping the potential in this neck of the woods.

“You wanted my help, this is me giving it. Let me see the damn outfit.”

There were shuffling sounds behind the bedroom door, when it finally opened.

Sonny felt his blood run south.

Barba was already an incredibly attractive man, but this… this was something else.

He no longer had his vest and jacket on, instead he had taken Sonny's advice and rolled the sleeves up to his elbows, revealing thick, tanned forearms. He had loosened his tie and undone the top two buttons, revealing the slightest amount of dark chest hair. 

“Wow.” His voice came out raspy, so he quickly coughed to cover it up.

“I feel completely underdressed. This is how I look when I’m reading the Times on a Sunday morning, not when I’m on a date.”

Sonny pulled himself off the lounge, eyes still locked onto the tufts of hair peeking over the top of the button-up.

“You look hot.” Barba blushed slightly, his expression still filled with doubt. “There’s still just something missing.”

Sonny let his gaze travel up and down, nice and slowly, allowing this relaxed version of Barba to be burned into his memory. He then spotted the problem.

“I told you to mess your hair up a little.”

Barba’s expression steeled with stubbornness.

“No, absolutely not.”

Sonny stepped forward, hand stretched out, ready to do it himself. Barba flinched at the movement.

“Would you relax? I’m just going to-” He raised his hand again, this time running his fingers through the short, dark locks. He gave a little tustle, enough for it to look like possible sex hair. When he removed his hand, he realised how close they were. Less than a foot between them, Sonny towering over the older man.

He cleared his throat.

“That’s better. You look less like you’re heading to a gala, and more like you’ve been giving head,” he joked, if anything to remove the weird tension between them. Barba rolled his eyes and stepped away to walk down the hall. To the bathroom to check himself out, Sonny presumed.

As soon as he left the room, Sonny let a huge breath he didn’t even realise he was holding.

“So, next step. You’ve gotta learn how to flirt,” Sonny shouted when Barba didn’t come back after a minute. Sure enough, quick footsteps sounded across the floorboards as Barba stormed back into the loungeroom.

“I know how to flirt, Carisi.”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure. ‘Oh my name’s Rafael,’” he mocked, pulling his best Barba impersonation. “‘I love reading Tolstoy, and watching period dramas, and I can’t wait to get married and live with fifty cats.’”

Barba scoffed.

“Oh yeah, because you’re so much better. ‘Hey babe, want to meet me in the bathroom, five minutes?’” Barba joked back, using a ridiculous frat-boy voice that sounded nothing like Sonny. “‘You can get on your knees for me, and I promise I won’t call tomorrow,  _ babe. _ ’”

“Is that seriously how you think I flirt?”

Barba started strutting around the room like a high school jock, still attempting his ridiculous impersonation.

“‘There’s only two things guys care about, dicks and assholes. Whether your dick is big, and whether he can stick his dick in your asshole,’” he sauntered over to Sonny, closing some of the distance he’d been trying to keep. “Something like that, right?”

“You are seriously twisted,” Sonny laughed out, still in shock over the horrendous impersonation.

“Oh, I’m twisted am I?” Barba’s voice was different now. Deeper. Husky. Sonny felt it hit below the belt. “I guess I learned it from the master.” He placed a single finger on Sonny’s tie, giving it a small stroke.

“What-”

“I’m such a good student, learning from  _ such  _ a brilliant teacher.”

Sonny focused on keeping his breathing neutral, even as the praise made his knees go weak.

They both froze, their eyes locked in a weirdly sexual trance. Sonny wasn’t going to lie to himself. He had thought of bending over Barba and giving him the goods ever since he’d spied the romantic fool at the bar.

“Are you sure?” he breathed out.

For a brief moment he thought Barba was going to lean in. That is until his lips widened into a satisfied grin.

“Told you I could flirt.” 

Sonny stepped away shaking his head, while Barba laughed mercilessly.

“That ain’t funny, Barba.”

“I had you going for a moment there,” he managed to get out between laughs.

Sonny couldn’t make eye contact, opting to pull his phone out as a distraction.

“You are a monster.”

Barba was clearly about to continue mocking Sonny, when there was a knock at the door.

  
  


_______________

  
  
  


The knock jolted Rafael out of his laughter. He gave Carisi a confused look.

“Did you order food?”

The detective shook his head.

“Rafael? It's Colin, your neighbour.”

Fear ran through his body. What was he doing here? His face must have shown how utterly nervous he was.

“Answer. Keep the conversation quick. And-” Carisi leaned in and popped open one more of Rafael's buttons.

“Seriously?”

Carisi then spun him around, gave him a quick slap on the ass, then pushed him to the door.

“Go get 'em tiger.”

Rafael took one last look over his shoulder to see Carisi crouching behind his couch, probably so he could listen in. He was going to tell him to go hide in his bedroom, when another knock forced his attention to the door.

He opened it, to see Colin once again in exercise gear. His legs felt weak just at the sight of him. 

“Hey, Kevin right?” he asked, remembering Carisi's advice from earlier. He hoped it still applied for this situation.

“Uh, Colin,” he stammered out, glancing at Rafael's chest. Interesting.

Rafael nodded, hopefully non-chalantly.

“So are you okay?” Rafael gave him a questioning look. “You put me on hold today, then never came back to the phone. Just wanted to make sure everything was fine.”

“What? Oh- oh yeah. Had a meeting. Forgot.” He shrugged like it meant nothing that Colin was right there, in front of him, looking unspeakably attractive. His face was cool, while his body was on fire with desire.

“Right. Listen, about what you asked me-”

“Hm?” Rafael crossed his arms over his chest, having the sudden realisation that this would definitely show off his arms. When Colin's eyes flicked to his chest once again, and he licked his lips a little, Rafael knew it had worked.

“Want to come to see the latest Fast and Furious on Saturday?”

Before Rafael could turn down such a ridiculous option for a date, he found himself falling once again for those hazel eyes.

“That sounds lovely, Colin.” A faint cough sounded behind him, reminding him time was up. Colin peeked over his shoulder and Rafael prayed Carisi was still well hidden. “I have to go, I'll text you.”

Before Colin could reply, he closed the door.

The second the door was clicked shut, Carisi leapt up from behind the couch. Rafael spun around, completely in shock.

“I did it.”

Carisi held his hands out.

“I told you. Nice work with the ‘Kevin’ thing.”

Rafael felt a surge of adrenaline course through his body.

“I know, right? I can't believe that worked. And you couldn't see it but I did this thing where I crossed my arms like this-” he demonstrated, flexing his arms a little. He was too busy checking his own arms out to notice Carisi doing the same thing.

“Nice work, Counselor.”

“So,” he brought his eyes back to meet Carisi's, missing the slight flush in his cheeks. “What now?”

  
  


Rafael and Colin took their seats in the dimly lit cinema. He had planned on talking Colin into seeing a different film, but Carisi had pushed for him to go with what Colin wanted. Despite himself, Rafael had listened.

**“Would you relax, Barba? You look like you're sitting on a spiked dildo,”** Carisi said through the wireless headphone he had in his ear.

Rafael had taken the wrong moment to have a sip of his soda, and almost spluttered it everywhere. Colin turned to him, worried.

“You okay, Raf?” His heart skipped a beat at the sound of the nickname on Colin's plump lips.

“Yes, just went down the wrong pipe.”

He rubbed his sweaty palms on his jeans. Jeans that Carisi had helped him choose, much to his dismay. (“I'm not going to buy groceries, Carisi, why would I wear them?”)

Still, he'd be convinced when Carisi had shown him how great his ass looked in them.

The advertisements began playing on the big screen, and they settled into a comfortable silence.

**“You know you're allowed to talk to him, right?”**

The headphone had been Carisi's idea. An hour before the date, Rafael had asked him over because he was freaking out over all the tips he'd been given.

He found that every time he was around Colin, he forgot everything he knew about words and sentences. Something about his beautiful eyes, his perfect smile… he lost his mind the second he was near him.

Which is how he found himself with Carisi in his ear, on the side Colin couldn't see, offering advice.

**“Alright, hold the popcorn in your lap,”** Carisi instructed, which Rafael did.  **“Now offer him some, but don't move it towards him. Make him come and get it.”**

Rafael cleared his throat, and leaned in to Colin slightly.

“Popcorn?”

He turned his head towards Rafael, their faces close.

“Sure.” He reached his hand over, grabbing a handful of popcorn. It wasn't low enough to result a teenage-like prank, but it kept them close. When Colin pulled back, he kept his elbow on the armrest so their shoulders were almost touching.

Even though there were other people in the cinema, including the gangly detective a couple of rows behind them, there was an intimacy in sitting so close.

**“Did you get the popsicle like I told you?”**

Rafael coughed twice to signal the affirmative.

**“Good. Open the packet.”**

He followed the instructions.

**“Alright, you're going to suck on it. Really slowly.”**

Rafael froze. He didn't like where this was going.

**“It's probably a little melted, which is a good thing. Suck up the melted parts.”**

He wasn't going to analyse why Carisi telling him what to do was turning him on a little, instead opting to follow the instructions. He started by slowly licking the melted drops that were dangling from the bottom of the popsicle.

**“Let it slurp. He'll start paying attention.”**

Sure enough, the movie started playing, Rafael started slurping as he sucked up the last of the melted liquid, and Colin started paying attention. It was small glances at first, enough for Rafael to notice.

**“Lick the tip.”** Rafael froze.  **“Come on Barba, it'll drive him wild.”**

He couldn't find any reason to disagree, aside from keeping his dignity. Again, he remembered that everything so far had worked. Though he would never admit that to Carisi.

So he licked the tip. Slowly. Softly. He could feel Colin's eyes on him every so often, but he schooled his eyes to remain on the screen, not that he was paying attention.

**“Alright, you know what to do.”**

And Rafael did. 

He swirled his tongue around the top of the cherry flavoured popsicle, then practically deep throated the length of it. This he knew how to do.

**“Pull off slowly, lick your lips, then ask him if he's enjoying himself so far.”**

Rafael did as he was told, finding himself enjoying this whole situation way too much. He pulled off slowly, even letting out the slightest moan. His mouth was stained red as he ran his tongue across his bottom lip. He then turned slightly to Colin, finally allowing himself to look.

It was dark, with only the screen illuminating that beautiful face, but it was enough for him to see how damn undone the other man was. He gave a small smirk, knowing Colin had seen the entire show, and that he'd enjoyed it.

“Having fun?” he asked coyly. Colin nodded his head furiously. Rafael gestured to the movie screen, as if that's what he meant the whole time.

“Oh- yeah. Yes. Good movie so far.” He cleared his throat and turned his attention back to the film.

Rafael had never felt so sexy and powerful.

**“That was- good job.”** Carisi sounded different, though he suspected it was due to the movie playing.

Just as Rafael was feeling on top of the world, he reached to his drink and somehow managed to knock it entirely over Colin's lap.

“Oh my god!” Rafael yelped, quickly grabbing a handkerchief he always carried in his pocket.

“Oh wow, that's cold,” Colin hissed.

Rafael went to work, frantically trying to pat the liquid out of the fabric.

**“Barba, what are you-”**

“I am so sorry, I'm such a klutz sometimes,” he apologised as he hunched over low, trying to see exactly how far it had spilled over Colin's pants. “I can get the most of it out right now-”

“Oh man,” Colin breathed out.

**“Seriously, you-”**

“I think I've got the most of it,” he muttered, still wiping. “This is a nice fabric though, you'll want it professionally cleaned.”

He finally lifted himself upright, only to notice something different about Colin's face. His skin was flushed, covered in a sheen of sweat. His mouth was held agape.

“Colin, are you okay?”

He gave out a breathy laugh.

“Ye- yeah. You, uh- yeah.” He cleared his throat again, turning his attention back to the screen. Rafael felt incredibly confused. Had he done something?

**“Well, that's one way to get a man's attention.”**

Rafael craned his neck looking behind him, searching for Carisi, growing more confused by the minute.

**“Barba, you nearly rubbed him off, over the pants, in public.”**

His blood ran cold.

Shit.

He had.

He had hunched over in the middle of a cinema, put his hands on Colin's crotch, and patted his crotch dry. Or wet. All because he couldn't stand to see fabric that nice be permanently stained.

**“Don't be embarrassed. He fucking loved that.”**

Rafael snuck a quick glance at Colin. He had a shy smile plastered on his face, his cheeks still tinged pink. Maybe he did love that.

 

____________

  
  


Barba had given Sonny a key to his apartment for the night. Partly so Barba wouldn't be tempted to invite Colin back to sleep with him. Partly so Sonny could keep an eye on him, in case the goodbye went horribly wrong.

So here Sonny was, leaning against Barba's kitchen counter, waiting for him to come over from his date.

As he scrolled through his Twitter feed, he was struck with a thought.

How had he managed to spend his Saturday night, third-wheeling a date for a co-worker who barely tolerated him, just to help the man get laid?

On one hand, it stemmed from a deep, carnal desire to be right. If there's one thing he knew, it was how to seduce men. If helping Barba out showed him he was right about men, it was worth it.

However…

There was another reason.

One he had realised halfway through the film, when he saw Barba lean over and whisper into his date's ear.

**“Can I have a sip of your drink?”**

That voice… it was so deep, so crisp, so utterly seductive. Sonny had never expected the snarky, uptight lawyer to ever have that kind sensuality in him. 

It washed through him like an electric shock. He was so attracted to him.

If Barba stepped through that door and straddled Sonny there and then, Sonny would gladly fuck him until he saw stars.

Voices outside the door distracted him from his daydreams about how he'd utilise the spatula he'd spotted in the drying rack.

He tiptoed to the door and peered through the peephole. 

Barba and the other man - Colin - were dancing the end-of-the-date tango. Hands held, gazing into each other's eyes, unable to tear away from each other, unsure how to say goodbye. Sonny was filled with a heart-wrenching desire to be in Colin's shoes. To be the one gazing down at Rafael. To be receiving that tender look, soft and lustful. Yet here he was, on the other side of the door, watching on like a damn pervert.

“I had an amazing time tonight,” Colin softly spoke, leaning in.

“So did I,” Barba murmured back, also leaning in.

Sonny wanted to look away, but a masochistic part of him forced himself to watch as the two men met halfway for a chaste, perfect first kiss.

Only when they pulled apart, did Sonny pull himself away from the door.

He slumped onto the lounge, exhausted from these newfound emotions. He hadn't felt this level of attraction in a very, very long time.

The door opened.

Sonny burst to standing from his spot on the couch, as Barba stepped through the doorway. As he shut it, he leaned against the door, seemingly in a haze. Sonny watched as he brought his fingers up to his lips.

“So? How was that?” Sonny finally asked.

Barba's eyes shot up, as if he'd forgotten he had asked Sonny to be there.

“I- it was good. Great, even.” He floated over to the kitchen, still in an obvious haze. “Drink?”

As he offered, Sonny's phone vibrated. A text message, from a guy he saw occasionally. They had a mutual agreement that they would fuck each other senseless and nothing else.

He glanced from his phone up to Barba, who was bustling about the kitchen getting glasses. He seemed to holding back an excited smile, though it was creeping through. He gave Sonny a curious look when he finally stopped moving, which helped Sonny remember he hadn't answered.

Sonny flicked his eyes to his phone and back up again.

“Take a raincheck? One of my 'dregs’ wants to meet up.”

If he was in the business of torturing himself, he’d believe the expression of Barba's face was somewhat dejected. If it was there however, it was gone in an instant.

“Wouldn't want to keep you from a better time,” he teased, pouring himself a drink.

Sonny couldn't think of a comeback. Instead, he scratched the back of his neck and dropped his gaze down.

“I'm going to head. Glad you had a good night, Barba.”

As he let himself out without another glance, his body ached with regret.

His phone vibrated again, this time with a picture message. When he opened it, to reveal a six pack dreams are made of, and a familiar perfect dick to match, the pain subsided slightly.

As he fired off a message signalling his eventual arrival, he tucked away any thoughts of green eyes and broad shoulders, just far enough to revisit them later.

 


	4. Of Course

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After dumping his things in their usual position, he dropped onto the lounge with the bag and peeked at the note.  
> 'Try to have a little fun, Barba  
> Sonny x'  
> Rafael reached into the bag and pulled out the gift.  
> “What the fuck?” he muttered to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all know I couldn't do an Ugly Truth AU without this scene.  
> Let me know what you think via the kudos/comments!  
> And thank you to all those who have stuck through this insane story! Your kind words mean so much to me.

“So these three are our main suspects,” Amaro concluded, turning to the squad for their thoughts. Rafael felt a ripple of annoyance course through him.

“So, why am I here? You don’t actually have anything yet.” The precinct’s coffee was terrible so he wasn’t even caffeinated, rendering this a total waste of his Monday morning.

“Just wanted to keep you updated, Counselor.” The sound of Carisi’s voice sent a multitude of emotions through Rafael’s body, which was both confusing and thrilling. He settled on the easiest one - disdain.

“Well next time you have a steaming pile of nothing, at least have a decent cup of coffee ready to go.” To his credit, Carisi had been keeping a professional air to their conversations around the squad, which Rafael did appreciate. Even if he generally still took any opportunity to knock the detective down a peg.

Carisi opened his mouth to respond, when loud, stomping footsteps brought everyone’s attention elsewhere.

“Sonny!” a shrill voice wailed from near Carisi’s desk. Rafael turned to the source, only to be met with a familiar face. The woman from the bar was standing there, cheeks tear-stained, nose sniffling. All in all, a picture of a recent heartbreak. When Rafael had first seen her, he had assumed she was a friend. Now in the brighter lights of the precinct, it was clear she was related to him.

Carisi leapt from his chair and rushed over to her.

“Gina, what’s wrong?” he soothed, pulling her into a hug. This caused another wail to leave her mouth as she sobbed into his shirt.

“He- he broke up with me. Just n-now, over coffee. Over coffee!” 

Amaro and Rollins gave each other a pointed look that Rafael definitely noticed, while Fin was actively trying to ignore the situation at hand.

Rafael watched as Carisi placed an arm around the woman’s- Gina’s shoulders, and guided her to the break room.

When the door clicked shut, Rafael turned to the two detectives still left near him.

“What do you make of the new guy?” He hoped his tone was neutral, with a hint of curiosity. He didn’t want to seem too interested.

Rollins shrugged.

“He ain’t the greatest detective, but I think he’s willing to learn.”

Amaro scoffed.

“You don’t agree, Detective?”

“He won’t last another month.” With that, he made his way back over to his desk. Rafael turned back to Rollins.

“Is he that bad?” he muttered.    
“Nah, just rubs Amaro the wrong way. Rubs me the wrong way too, if I’m being honest. But his heart is in the right place.” She shrugged again. “I dunno, one minute he’s lecturing me on my love life, the next he’s the most gentle hand-holder in the squad. Can’t seem to place him.”

Rollins then grabbed her folder and walked over to her own desk. Rafael gathered his things, and as he did he paid special attention to Carisi through the window of the break room. He was holding Gina’s hands, listening intently as she blabbered on about what was clearly a bad breakup. She then collapsed into Carisi’s chest again, while he stroked her head softly, muttering something into her hair. His eyes then locked with Rafael’s, who tried to make it seem like he’d only just glanced over. Rafael gave a nod of acknowledgment, to which Carisi responded with a tight grimace, clearly aiming for a smile.

“Don’t forget Liv’s birthday dinner!” Rollins called out as he left the bullpen. He lifted a hand in response.

In the solace of the elevator, Rafael tried to piece together the two different versions of the detective. The sex-crazed lothario, and the sweet, caring man. It didn't add up.

 

__________________

  
  


Sonny knocked on the ADA’s door, before stepping through anyway. He kept up the formality after Barba had berated him for not knocking, however he had never said to wait to be called in. Sonny was going to hold onto that speck of technicality until the lawyer said otherwise.

“You wanted to see me, Counselor?” he asked, as he plonked ungracefully onto the chair opposite the lawyer.

Barba held up a single finger to silence him, as he finished writing down notes. Finally, he brought his gaze away from the files to pierce Sonny with a strong stare. He hoped Barba didn’t hear the slight intake of breath coming from him, just as he hoped his heart would stop racing at the sight of the lawyer.

“So, we have a problem.” His tone meant business, so Sonny adjusted accordingly.

“We do? Is it Rose?”

Barba’s eyes flashed with something Sonny couldn’t quite place.

“No it’s- I-” he cut himself off, cheeks flushing ever so slightly. 

“It’s not about the case, is it?” Sonny switched once again, from professional to casual. Teasing.

“No. I have another date with Colin.”

Sonny fought to ignore the painful twinge his heart gave.

“Wow. Congratulations. Against his better judgment, he seems to actually like you.”

Barba rolled his eyes, and Sonny tried not to let himself see any fondness in that one movement, even if the lawyer was half-smiling.

“Hilarious. At any rate, I’ve run into a problem.”

“What’s the problem?” Barba froze, averting his gaze around the room. Anywhere but Sonny. “Barba… What is the problem? You like him, he likes you, though that may be a problem given he’s obviously mentally incapacitated-”

“When should we-” he cut himself off again.  _ This is like pulling teeth. _

“When should you fuck?” he offered, relishing in the visible flinch from Barba.

“Yes,” he sighed. “When should we… fuck?”

Sonny leaned in, placing his elbows on the desk. He was thoroughly surprised when Barba reciprocated the movement.

“Well, you’ve already given him the slightest taste with your popsicle blow job earlier. Now though,” his voice dropped low, both in pitch and volume. There was something about Barba that made him want to use any and every opportunity to get under his skin, with whatever means necessary. “Now you want to keep giving him a taste. A sprinkling of sex, every time he sees you.  Never the main course though. You need to give him everything but the finish line.”

Sonny tracked Barba’s throat as he swallowed slightly.

“Okay, I can do that.”

“Leave sex until about a month in. He’ll be all yours by then.” Sonny felt his tongue lick his bottom lip of its own accord. He then watched as Barba’s eyes followed the movement, before meeting his own eyes. There was an electric tension in the air. Sonny wasn’t imagining things, he knew that now. There was something raw between the two of them, an equal amount of desire and disgust, and if Sonny had no self-control he would be on his knees in a heartbeat. But even he had standards, and he would never go for someone involved with another person. That road was paved with insecurities and pain, and he’d travelled down it enough to know he could never go back.

Barba cleared his throat and leaned back in his chair, breaking the spell.

“A month. I can do that.”

Barba seemed to zone out into his own thoughts. Probably imagining having sex with  _ Colin. _

“Alright, next problem. How often do you ‘beat your meat?’”

Barba’s jaw dropped open.

“I’m sorry?”

“You know, ‘stroke the salami.’ Jerk off,” he explained, thoroughly enjoying how shocked Barba was getting.

“Why on earth would you-”

“I’m assuming it’s been a while since you’ve been laid.”

“Well that’s not-”

“If you aren’t regularly having a good ol’ tug-a-lug, you’re gonna blow your wad way too early, and that’s a pretty surefire way to turn a guy off. So, how often do you jerk off?”   
“Carisi, I-” he stopped, noticing the pointed look Sonny was giving him. “I don’t know, I’m a busy man. Once every couple of weeks? Maybe?”

Sonny felt his jaw drop open.

“Once every few weeks?”

Barba flushed with embarrassment.

“Is that a problem?”

“Jeez, no wonder you’re grumpy all the time. Do you even use any toys?”

“Wh- no. It’s usually in the shower before work.”

Sonny shook his head in disbelief.

“Oh my god, Barba. You’ve gotta try something other than your right hand.” Barba opened his mouth to retaliate. “And no, your left hand doesn’t count.”

“Well, what do you propose?” he half-shouted, clearly frustrated with Sonny’s shock. He stopped for a moment, pondering how to help. Then it hit him. He shot out of his chair, heading for the door. “Where are you going?”

“Shopping. I’ll drop it by sometime,” he said over his shoulder as he left the office.

“Drop what?” Barba yelled out after him. “Carisi, what are you getting?!”

Sonny just kept on walking, excited to open up Barba’s eyes to a world of possibility.

  
  


__________________

  
  


Rafael was excited to be almost home. He had given himself a good hour and a half before his second date with Colin, which was enough time to go over his pre-chosen outfit and decide whether or not he hated it. When he arrived however, sitting in front of his door was a bag. A simple gift bag, with a small note attached to it. He picked up the bag and entered his apartment, filled with curiosity.

After dumping his things in their usual position, he dropped onto the lounge with the bag and peeked at the note.

_ Try to have a little fun, Barba _

_ Sonny x _

Rafael reached into the bag and pulled out the gift.

“What the fuck?” he muttered to himself.

  
  


Rafael stood in front of the mirror, nearly entirely naked barring one thing. 

A thong.

Carisi had bought him a fucking thong.

Not just any thong, oh no.

A  _ vibrating  _ thong.

He didn’t even know that it was a thing.

Yet here he was, wearing the thong, holding the remote. He pulled up the grey slacks he was planning on wearing to the date, checking to see if the thong was noticeable. 

Interesting.

He buttoned up the lilac shirt he was going to wear, brushed down the imaginary wrinkles, before checking himself out again. The outfit was good. Hot, even. That’s exactly what Carisi had said to be, hot. He turned slightly and ran his hands over his backside, checking to see if the thong really couldn’t be seen. He then shook his head. No way. He couldn’t wear  _ vibrating underwear  _ on a second date, especially since they weren’t going to have sex. He started to undo his slacks, ready to change underwear, when there was a knock at the door.

He checked his watch. Colin was at least twenty minutes early, which told Rafael that something was wrong. He zipped up his pants, dropped the remote into his pocket, and forced himself not to run to the door.

“Colin, you’re-” he stopped mid-sentence as he opened the door. Purely because on the other side stood Carisi and Rollins. “What are you two doing here?

Rollins shook her head.

“Told you he’d forget,” she muttered to Carisi before turning her attention back to Rafael. “Liv’s dinner? For her birthday? We agreed to carpool.”

Rafael racked his brain for the conversation, when it hit him like a cement truck.

“Oh shit. Oh Christ, that’s tonight?”

“Well today is her birthday,” Carisi whipped back.

Rafael gave him a pointed look.

“The thing is, I have a  _ date  _ tonight.” He prayed Carisi got the hint.

“Bring them along!” Rollins offered. “The more the merrier, you know Liv won’t mind.”

Rafael was still glaring at Carisi, who merely shrugged.

“Come on Barba, just bring him. It’ll be fun,” he finished with a wink, a callback to the card he left.

Rafael realised there was no way out of this.

Begrudgingly, he put his shoes on, grabbed his things and followed the detectives.

  
  


________________

  
  
  


Sonny was seriously cursing his luck. 

Of course Barba would end up bringing his date to dinner. 

Of course Barba would be wearing one of the hottest outfits he’d ever seen.

Of course Sonny would end up sitting next to Barba and his man, listening to every cute little quip and innuendo the couple shared.

_ Of course. _

He wanted to scream. Scream that Colin didn’t know the man he was dating, that the man he liked was nothing like this. He didn’t though. Instead he shared appetisers with the squad, clinked glasses with the squad, and tried with all his might to focus on every member of the squad  _ except  _ Barba.

Halfway through dinner, Barba stood up to go to the bathroom, leaving Sonny with the awkward space between himself and Colin.

God, he wanted to hate Colin. His perfect, white teeth. His naturally styled hair. His stunning, bronze skin. He was practically a fucking Ken doll, and Sonny hated him. Except he didn’t. The guy was so damn genuinely nice that he couldn’t help but like him. Hell, even the squad seemed to like him. He made appropriate jokes, laughed at all the right moments, asked all the correct questions. A perfect gentleman.

As he subtly flattered Liv into a pleased chuckle, Sonny fought to roll his eyes as he downed his second glass of wine.

Barba sat back down between the two men, and any tension Sonny felt eased slightly. He figured the reason was the wine, even as his heart raced a little with the lawyer so close.

 

Fin clinked his glass with a spoon, signalling for the table to stop talking.

“Alright, we're all here tonight to celebrate the best boss in the NYPD,” he started, signalling to Liv.

A faint buzzing sound distracted Sonny from the speech. He pat down his pockets for his phone, but it wasn't the source. He noticed next to him, Barba was doing the same thing. His eyes widened as he gave Sonny a panicked look. He then knocked a knife onto the ground, entirely on purpose.

“Oh, dropped my knife,” Barba muttered to Colin, before ducking under the table.

Sonny tried to listen in on the speech, which was getting lots of laughs, when a slap on his leg brought his attention elsewhere. He ducked his head under the table as well.

“Barba, what's going on?” He noted the buzzing sound was getting a little louder.

“Christ- Sonny, I’m wearing the- ohh- I'm wearing the underwear you gave me.”

Sonny blinked profusely, piecing together the information.

“The vibrating… you're wearing the vibrating underwear?”

Barba was scanning his eyes frantically across the floor.

“Yes I am and I've lost the remote,” he breathed out.

Sonny fought back tears and laughter, purely because Barba seemed so distressed. And turned on. God, he looked so turned on.

“Alright, come back up. I'll keep an eye out for the remote.”

They both brought their heads back up, feigning interest in the speech that was somehow still going.

That is until the buzzing got slightly louder, and Barba jumped in his seat.

“Rafi, you okay?” Colin whispered.

“Fine, I- ugh- I'm fine,” he stuttered out, his hand that was resting on the table now clenched into a fist.

Sonny whipped his head around, trying to spot who may have the remote. He then noticed Amanda checking her phone, clearly thinking the vibrating noise was coming from it.

“Oh god,” Barba nearly moaned out, a little louder.

“Barba, you good there?” Fin asked. Everyone's head turned to Barba, whose cheeks were pink and sweaty.

“Yeah, I- fuck-” he choked out. “I'm fine. Sorry.”

Sonny tried to hide his laughter behind his fist. Why on earth did he wear the thong tonight? 

As Fin started to wrap up his speech, the vibrating sound grew louder again. Whoever had the remote clearly didn't know what they were doing to the lawyer, who was now fighting back moans next to Sonny. As the table clapped for Fin, Barba bolted out of his chair and practically ran for the bathroom.

“Rafi, are you okay?” Colin asked after him, his face pinched with worry.

Sonny was going to stay seated, when he spotted something. A young child, two tables over, playing with the remote like it was a Nintendo DS. 

“I'll go check on him,” he said, excusing himself from the table. He detoured via the table with the child, yanking the remote out of his hands, before jogging over to the bathroom.

There was only one stall with the door shut, and it was the source of the loud, vibrating noise. Coupled with something Sonny couldn't quite place.

“Barba? I found the remote. I'm gonna turn it off now.”

“No, don't!” There was something animalistic in his voice, that sent Sonny's blood rushing south. “I'm almost done,” he grunted out.

Now Sonny could place the noise. Barba was jerking himself off, right here in the restaurant bathroom.

“Rafael, are you-”

“Oh- oh my god,” he choked out with a final groan.

Sonny forced his brain to remember the sound of Barba coming, while simultaneously tried to think of unsexy thoughts. 

Rats. Cockroaches. Cock. Barba's cock. Barba's cock in his mouth. Fuck.

The stall opened. Barba leaned against the door frame. His pants were done up, but his shirt was untucked and wrinkled. His face was sweaty and glowing and perfect, and Sonny's heart pumped with lust.

With one smooth movement, he held up the remote and turned the vibrating off.

“Was that fun, Counselor?” He wished he had control over his voice, which was cracked with lust. 

“Never… speak of this to anyone,” he breathed out. He then strode over to Sonny, snatched the remote out of his hand and left the bathroom.

  
  


_______________

  
  


As they left the restaurant, Liv approached Rafael at the back of the group.

“Rafa, are you feeling better?” He nodded, glad his excuse of a sudden bout of nausea had worked on a room full of detectives. “Good. You know, I like Colin. He's sweet.”

They both turned their eyeline to the doctor, who was charming Rollins and Amaro with a tale from the E.R.

“So do I,” he responded fondly.

“And, I'm glad you and Carisi are getting along finally.”

Rafael cleared his throat, and attempted to force his eyes away from the young detective. They acted of their own accord however, finding the taller man. He was listening to Fin give career advice, paying close attention to the words of wisdom. Even still, his eyes found Rafael's. At the eye contact, he gave a small, warm smile.

“He no longer fills me with disgust, so if you call that getting along…” 

Liv laughed.

Rafael would never admit that he was increasingly growing fond of the detective.

Just like he would never admit that the sound of Carisi saying his name is what pushed him over the edge to orgasm in a bathroom stall.

No, he would never admit that. Not even to himself.


	5. Fine Print and Caviar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hard to believe in love when you've never really had it.” He gave a forced smile, before sliding out of the booth. “Want a refill?” He gestured to Rafael's half-full drink, before leaving without an answer.
> 
> Rafael's heart weighed heavily with guilt, and he downed the rest of his scotch, hoping to ease the pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're inching closer to the finish line everyone.  
> As always, kudos/comments/attention is always welcomed!  
> Thank you to those who have stuck through this AU, particularly with its somewhat out of character beginning! (Or you know, the entire story) Hopefully things are starting to make a lot more sense now.

Rafael loved dating Colin. He'd been keeping up with Carisi's advice, keeping their dates sweet but sensual, a perfect balance of teasing and giving.

Sure, certain things he'd normally bring up or call out.

They had gone for a picnic in the park, which was cute. Rafael wouldn't normally have picked it as a date, but the thought of laying on a blanket and eating delicious food with Colin was too good a possibility to turn down. And even though Colin had chosen to bring along caviar, a food Rafael despised, he went along with it. Especially considering he ended up resting on his elbows, with Colin leaning over him, feeding him slowly, kissing him in between mouthfuls. The whole situation was perfect… except the disgusting taste that lingered for hours after the date.

 

Rita had managed to swindle an impromptu meeting with Colin. Rafael suspected Carmen had a hand in it when she gave Rita a knowing glance as she let her into the office as they were having lunch, though Rafael couldn't be mad. Not when she was clearly impressed with Colin's resume.

“Sorry Rafi, I've got to get back to the hospital,” he said, leaning down to give him a quick peck on the lips. “Thanks for lunch.”

“Thank you for bringing it.” He noted Rita’s raised eyebrows.

“Lovely to meet you, Rita.” He shook her hand once again, before leaving the office.

Rita took over his place in the seat opposite Rafael.

“So, _Rafi_ , the perfect man that you've told me nothing about.” Rafael almost cringed at the sound of the nickname on her lips.

“Then how did you know he was perfect?”

She gave a small smirk, knowing not to rat out Carmen.

“I have my ways, Barba. He seems sweet.”

Rafael didn't even try to fight the smile spreading on his face.

“He is. He's really sweet.” Rita pursed her lips for a moment. “What?”

“Nothing. I like him.”

He still felt suspicious, but he decided to let it go. Colin was sweet. He was nice, romantic, and he complimented every part of Rafael.

“Good.”

 

The next day, Carisi was helping with witness statements, using his surprisingly decent legal knowledge to dissect them, looking for any gaps or flaws.

They worked in a comfortable silence on the lounge, keeping a proper distance between them. Rafael was once again grateful that Carisi knew when to keep things professional.

Out of nowhere however, Carisi slammed his pen down on the coffee table.

“Alright, Barba. I've got something to-”

Whatever tangent he was about to go on was cut off by a knock at the door, followed by Carmen poking her head in.

“Mr Barba? Someone sent you a gift.”

Rafael dropped his work onto the table and made his way over to Carmen. She handed over the gift. A bouquet of roses. Beautiful.

“Thank you, Carmen.” She left the room, closing the door behind her.

He breathed in the roses. They were lovely, although he would have preferred daisies.

Carisi cleared his throat.

“There's a note.”

Rafael pulled out the note that was tucked in amongst the flowers.

_Can't wait to see you again._

He sighed, his heart filled with joy.

“Things are going well then?” Carisi asked, though Rafael detected… something, in his voice.

“Really well,” he answered, resting the flowers on his desk and writing a note to get a vase for them.

It was true.  Everything was going unbelievably well.

  


__________________

  
  


Sonny was at lunch with Barba, having been invited the night beforehand.

“Oh, before I forget, Liv asked me to bring you this” He reached into his bag and pulled out a file.

Barba put down his sandwich, and quickly leafed through the file.

“Wow, Liv's organisation has improved,” he commented. Sonny felt a rush of joy run through his body.

“Uh, that was me actually. I went through it before I left and trust me, it hasn't improved.”

Barba raised an eyebrow.

“You're the one who sorted it by date?”

Sonny nodded, taking a bite out of his own sandwich.

“I mean, it's only logical, am I right?” He mumbled.

“I can't believe I'm saying this, but yes. You are,” he begrudgingly admitted.

Sonny paused mid-chew.

“Did you finally just admit I was right about something?”

“Don't let it go to your exceedlingly large head,” he snipped back, though his small smile softened the insult.

They went back to their meals for a moment, when a stray thought crept into Sonny's head.

“Hey Counselor, can I ask you something?” Barba hummed his consent. “You're an intelligent guy, and you're clearly good at your job. Have you thought about becoming a judge or something?”

Barba's eyes widened for a brief second, surprised at the question. He carefully placed his food down, shaking his head.

“Impartiality is key to being a judge, and I'm not sure I could stick to that. Not with the things we see every day.” Sonny was still listening, however he let his eyes flicker to the side as the young, cute waiter sauntered past. He gave Sonny a shy smile, which Sonny returned with much more confidence. Barba followed his eyeline to see what had briefly held his attention. “Ah, I should have known.”

“I'm sorry?”

“I'm just glad that Colin would never be into someone like that.”

Sonny's eyes narrowed.

“Someone like what?”

“You know, young, naive. Someone who would do anything to please, coupled with the personality of drywall.”

Sonny wanted to scream that person Barba just described was no longer his type.

“That's the dream, isn't it?” he went with instead, taking a sip of soda to drown the bitterness in his mouth. “Is this why you asked me here? To judge me for who I sleep with?”

Barba gave him a look filled with amusement.

“I just find it interesting that you could have anyone, yet you seem to choose to lure younger men in, just to suck your dick dry.”

Just when Sonny thought he had Barba figured out, he turned around and said something like that. The sound of Barba talking so filthy had Sonny’s body coursing with desire.

“Never thought I'd hear that come from your mouth.” Barba just shrugged and went back to his food. Sonny was then struck with a thought. “Oh my god, you fucked him.”

Barba nearly choked on his food.

“Wh- what?”

“I'm not an idiot, Barba. You fucked Colin.”

Barba had a sip of his water, shaking his head.

“No, I didn't.” He paused, lips still close to the glass. “That's this weekend,” he muttered, taking another sip.

“What was that?”

Barba rolled his eyes.

“This weekend. We've booked a Bed and Breakfast in the Berkshires.”

His heart was pounding with pain, but he used all of his power to keep his voice neutral.

“So, finally going to Poundtown with the doc, huh?”

Barba rolled his eyes again, something Sonny had grown to crave from the lawyer.

“That was a horrendous way of putting it, but yes.”

Sonny couldn't think of any response that wouldn't give away how much it sucked.

It sucked that he had feelings for Barba.

It sucked that he had helped him get with the doctor.

And it really sucked that he was probably going to fall in love with Colin, and get married, and Sonny was going to be alone. All because he had been an arrogant dick when they first met, and he'd never quite recovered from it.

He still couldn't come up with a decent response, so he raised his cup of soda.

“Well, here's to you getting laid finally.”

Barba let out a small chuckle, and Sonny realised he would do anything and everything he could to get Barba to smile and laugh like that.

“Here's to that indeed.”

  


_______________

  


Rafael was furious. He was furious as he punched in Colin's work number. He was furious as he waited for Colin to answer. He was less furious when he heard Colin's gorgeous voice, though it only subsided slightly.

_“Hello?”_

“Hi Colin, it's Rafael.”

 _“Rafi.”_ He tried to stop the surge of annoyance that rippled through him any time he heard the nickname. _“Is everything alright?"_

“No, unfortunately. Our weekend away… I've just spoken to the DA, and he needs me to go to a benefit this weekend in his place. Normally I would make a quick appearance, but I'm under explicit orders not to duck out after the hor d’oeuvres.” He felt terrible, and not just because he wasn't getting laid this weekend.

_“Oh Rafi. That's alright, I understand. I'll see if I can get us a refund.”_

Rafael wanted to bite back that Colin should have read the fine print of the booking confirmation he'd sent him. That if he'd read it, he would know that they couldn't get a refund with 24 hours notice on cancelling.

“I'm sorry,” he went with instead.

_“That's alright. Next time.”_

  


Rafael was still pissed, even as he patted down his suit one more time before stepping into the grand hall. Hordes of lawyers and politicians, scattered around the room. He shuddered. This was his idea of a living nightmare. A waiter walked by with a tray of glasses of wine. He snatched one quickly, hoping to ply himself with alcohol before entering the snake hole, when a familiar slouch caught his eye.

No.

It couldn't be.

It was.

Carisi was standing amongst a crowd of lawyers, listening intently as they babbled on. Rafael couldn't stop staring. The younger man was wearing a navy suit that hugged his body perfectly, showing off lean legs, slim hips and surprisingly broad shoulders. He took another sip of wine to wash out his dry mouth, but as he did Carisi glanced to the side and made direct eye contact. His eyes almost left his skull, and he quickly excused himself from the group he was with. Rafael promptly downed the rest of his wine, and managed to acquire another glass just as Carisi reached him.

“Counselor. Wasn't expecting to see you here.”

“Likewise, Detective.”

Carisi blushed slightly, averting his eyes.

“I'm uh… I met a lawyer the other day, and I told him I was studying, and he had a plus-one to this so, yeah.”

He was aiming for vague, but Rafael pieced it together soon enough.

“Carisi, are you looking to work at a firm after you've graduated?”

He shrugged.

“I dunno, haven't decided. Just keeping my options open. Plus it was a good excuse to hit up the free sparkling wine.”

Rafael nodded, but was hit with a thought.

“Sparkling wine?”

Carisi took a sip of his own glass.

“Yeah, I checked. It's from New Zealand.”

“So?”

Carisi gave him a surprised look.

“So, it's sparkling wine. Unless I've got my geography wrong, Champagne is in France, not New Zealand.”

Rafael felt a fully fledged smile appear on his face, and he did nothing to stop it.

“Not bad, Carisi.”

“Wait, what are you doing here? I thought you'd be with- I thought you were going to the Berkshires.”

Rafael grimaced, remember the fireplace, and the king-sized bed, and the beautiful, romantic room that he should be in at that moment.

“Duty called, unfortunately,” he gritted, gesturing to the room.

Carisi nodded, understanding. He then glanced back to the crowd he had left behind.

“Listen, I've got to go rub shoulders with the head honcho’s of this firm. Stick around, we'll take advantage of this free wine,” he suggested with a wink, before leaving Rafael alone.

If he was being honest, that sounded like a pretty good time.

  


_______________

  
  


Normally if Sonny had been surrounded by lawyers, who were all vying for his attention and opinions, he'd be ecstatic. This was the stuff his career dreams were made of, and the reason why he'd decided to even consider showing up. He took his law degree seriously, and he knew that before he could get into his dream prosecutorial role, he had to gain some experience in a private firm.

His thoughts were distracted however. Distracted by a man full of heart and soul, standing ten feet away, looking like he needed to be saved. Sonny had always appreciated when Barba took his advice and dressed casually, so the sight of him dressed to the nines was overwhelmingly alluring.

Still, he kept with the people from Johnson-Hart, hoping to potentially please one of them.

After two hours, Barba was nowhere to be seen as Sonny approached the bar.

“Finally escaped, did you?” that familiar voice teased. Sonny glanced to the side and sure enough, Barba was there. Leaning on one elbow against the bar, a glass of scotch in hand.

“I'm bruised and bloodied, but I survived.”

Sonny ordered a Jack and Coke for himself.

“Going for the hard stuff?” Barba asked, gesturing to the drink as it arrived.

Sonny took a large gulp before answering.

“Could say the same for you, Counselor.”

He smiled into his drink, taking a much smaller sip than Sonny had.

“I love being a lawyer, but even I think lawyers are vultures. Followed closely by politicians.”

“I agree. It seems we've picked the wrong crowd for the night.”

Barba gave him a curious look.

“Indeed.” They both took a sip of their respective drinks, eyes softly locked. “Carisi, what are you doing after this?”

Sonny nearly choked on his drink.

“Uh- I don't know. I haven't decided yet, I guess. Why?”

Barba shrugged.

“I don't know if it's the alcohol, or it's being surrounding by stuffy sycophants, but I just want to go do something fun right now.”

Sonny felt his blood pumping.

“I've got an idea.”

  


________________

  


“A gay club.” Rafael had waited until they sat at a booth before he showed how he felt. “Seriously Carisi, you brought me to a gay club.”

Carisi shrugged.

“Hey, you wanted to have some fun. Plus, it's a gay club with table service.”

Rafael glanced around the place. The dance floor was filled with scantily clad men grinding on each other, something which Rafael had no desire to participate in.

They ordered a round of drinks from the cute waiter serving their table. He paid close attention to the fact that Carisi never took his eyes off Rafael's own. They pleasantly sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the crowd enjoy themselves.

“So, how's Colin?” If Carisi was aiming for non-chalant, he certainly failed, though Rafael chose to look past it.

“He’s good. We went on a date to the park the other day.”

“Wow. Sounds romantic.” Carisi made no eye contact, opting to focus on collecting his drink off the waiter.

“It was. Except…” he trailed off quietly. Carisi's eyes whipped back to him.

“Except?”

“Nothing. It's stupid.”

The younger man shook his head slightly.

“I'm sure it's not stupid.”

Rafael shrugged. May as well be honest.

“He fed me caviar,” he grimaced, remembering the foul taste. He was pleased to see Carisi was also disgusted.

“Jeez, and you're still with the guy?”

Rafael laughed despite himself.

They both settled into a comfortable silence, sipping their respective drinks.

“Think you'll end up at that firm?” Rafael asked halfway through his scotch.

“Well, they actually offered me a position. For when I graduate. Something about having a detective on the team being an asset for them.”

Rafael felt a foreign twinge in his heart. He couldn't quite place the reason.

“Are you going to take it?”

“Nah. I like working with the squad, even if they haven't warmed up to me yet. Plus, I don't know how I feel about being a defense attorney."

“Well that's good.” Carisi's eyebrows raised high on his forehead. “I wouldn't want to sweep the floor with you in the courtroom,” he added on quickly, noticing his heart calmed down at the news that Carisi would be staying.

They ordered another round of drinks, and Rafael was pleasantly enjoying the buzz coursing through his body. It gave him the confidence to do something he normally wouldn't.

He wanted to ask something.

Something that had plagued him since he had first met the detective.

With a gulp of the burning liquid in his glass, he straightened his back, ready to go.

“Carisi, can I ask you something?”

The detective froze in the middle of bringing his glass to his lips.

“Depends…”

“I just- you're young. You're a good guy, underneath all that crass. I don't understand how you- how you became so-”

“Bitter?” Carisi offered, taking a large gulp of his Jack and Coke.

“For lack of a better word.”

“I dunno, just happened I guess,” he sighed, downing the rest of his drink.

“Oh come on, what's the point of drinking if not to lay all your woes on the table?”

Carisi smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes. Rafael was hit with the sudden realisation that when Carisi smiled for real, it was beautiful. A light in any room, no matter how dark. So the sadness filling his baby blues right now was almost heartbreaking.

“Well, the first time I was cheated on, I was 21.” Rafael instantly regretted asking. Prying. “I loved the guy. I really did. You know, first boyfriend, first love, lost my virginity to him, the works. Then two years in, I find out he's been in a relationship with my best friend for six months. He tells me, 'I didn't want to hurt you. You're so sensitive, I knew you couldn't handle it.’”

“Carisi, I-”

He shook his head, still smiling.

“So I spent a year basically a celibate monk. No dating, no men. Joined the Academy. Two weeks into being a rookie, I meet an older guy. He's sweet, kind. A real romantic type. We date for almost a year, and I decide to surprise him at his place the day before our anniversary. Only, I'm the one surprised, especially walking in on him balls deep into some 19 year old twink. He tells me, 'I needed someone younger.’ Younger. I was 22 and he was already searching for a younger model.”

Rafael took a tentative sip of his scotch, his heart breaking with every word.

“So I spend three years proving myself to him. I sleep with as many guys as I can. Younger, older, anyone who would have me. Then…” he trailed off, his smile more of grimace now.

“Sonny, you don't have to tell me.”

“Did you know I was engaged?” Rafael shook his head. “Yeah. I thought this guy was my soulmate, ya know? He was everything I had been looking for, and I thought we'd be together forever. My parents loved him, my sister's loved him, he wanted kids and a cat, so I dropped on one knee and asked him and- and the bastard said yes. We had even booked a venue when he tells me...”

Sonny paused, glaring into the empty glass in front of him. Rafael wanted to reach out, to hold his hand, and tell him no one would ever hurt him again. Instead he waited.

“He tells me he can't marry me. That I'm not the marrying type. That he's back with his high school sweetheart, and they're moving to Hawaii together, and that I'm not the guy people settle down with. I'm the guy people fuck on their way to the guy they settle down with.”

He let out a huge breath. Rafael felt his eyes prickle with the burning of tears that he couldn't let out. This wasn't his pain to feel.

“Sonny… I’m sorry.”

“Hard to believe in love when you've never really had it.” He gave a forced smile, before sliding out of the booth. “Want a refill?” He gestured to Rafael's half-full drink, before leaving without an answer.

Rafael's heart weighed heavily with guilt, and he downed the rest of his scotch, hoping to ease the pain.

  


_______________

  


Sonny practically shoved his way to the bar, determined to get out of the lawyers eyeline. Once he reached the bar, he let out a massive sigh, running his hands over his face.

Memory lane fucking sucked.

“Sonny babe, what are you having?” A familiar voice asked. He leaned on the bar so Ivan, the bartender he'd slept with a couple of times, could hear him.

“Two fingers of scotch, neat. And a Jack and Coke.”

Ivan hesitated.

“Both for you?” Sonny shook his head as Ivan spotted Barba over his shoulder. “I guess he isn't the daiquiri type.”

Sonny gave a nod of acknowledgement.

He prepared the drinks, and handed them over without another word, sensing Sonny's mood.

Sonny took a deep breath in. This isn't what he wanted from the night. He wanted loose, fun, carefree. Not wallowing in self-pity.

He pushed his way back through the crowd, planting a fake smile on his face that he desperately hoped would feel real soon. Turns out he didn't have to wait too long. The sight of Rafael waiting for him made his heart swell, and his lips quirk up in a very real smile.

He plonked down into the booth, handing him his drink.

“So I'm assuming you couldn't get a refund on the B’n’B?”

Rafael's face showed how concerned he was, but he clearly didn't want to push it.

“Not a chance. Colin was going to try but-”

Sonny scoffed.

“As if you'd get a refund 24 hours out.”

Rafael seemed pleasantly surprised.

“Exactly! I was going to tell him that, but I just assumed he would have read the fine print.”

Sonny took a small sip of his drink.

“So I guess you won't be bouncing on his dick any time soon.”

Barba nearly spluttered his drink everywhere, and Sonny snorted from laughing so hard.

“Jesus Sonny, do you always have to word things in the most vulgar way?” he asked, joining in with the laughter. Sonny shrugged after a moment.

“I dunno, it's kind of an autopilot thing at this point. Every other precinct I've been in has been a real boys club. Everyone talked like that, ya know?”

He expected Barba to give him more crap, but he just nodded, as if something finally made sense.

They both glanced around the club, taking in the sights, when Sonny was struck with a wild idea.

“Let's dance,” he ordered, throwing back his drink and standing up.

Barba looked at him like he was insane.

“Absolutely not.”

Sonny ignored his protest, taking his jacket off and rolling the sleeves of his shirt up.

“Come on Barba, I know you know how to dance.” He planted his hands on his hips and waited.

“Yeah, I know how to dance, but not to this.” He gestured around the room, referring to the pop music blaring.

“You wanted to have some fun,” Sonny reminded him. Barba glanced to the dance floor, trying to make a decision. To help him, Sonny started swaying his hips to the music. “You can't be any worse than me, Barba.”

He rolled his eyes.

“Well you've certainly got that right.”

Sonny was just tipsy enough to do something risky.

“Barba you've got ten seconds to be up ready to dance, or I'm ordering shots and dancing on this table.”

He clenched his jaw, ready to fight Sonny on this. Ten seconds came and went, so Sonny signalled to the waiter to come over.

“Alright, fine! Purely because I'm not in college anymore, and can't do multiple shots like I used to.” He dragged himself from the booth, chugged his scotch, removed his suit jacket and rolled up his sleeves. “Well?”

In a daring move, Sonny grabbed his hand and pulled him to the dance floor, ignoring the electricity surging through his body at skin-to-skin contact with the man.

When they finally reached the middle of the dancefloor, a new song had started. The beat was pumping, and Sonny felt it to his bones.

This is what he wanted.

To lose himself in music and movement and bodies. Barba being there was an added bonus.

He closed his eyes, grinding his hips in the air, moving to the beat.

After losing himself for a moment, he softly opened his eyes. Rafael was also lost, though in a different way. His body knew what it wanted to do, but he was definitely holding back.

“Come on Rafael, have some fun!” he shouted over the music. Instantly, Rafael's eyes darkened, and his movements became much more sensual. Sonny desperately had to stare. At the hips grinding, at the thick forearms set free from the shirt, at the beads of sweat forming on Rafael's forehead. He had never seen anything quite so beautiful.

An elbow hitting him in his back jolted him from his trance, accidentally shoving him into Rafael, who caught him quickly.

“You okay?” the lawyer breathed out, and Sonny was acutely aware of his strong, tanned hands resting on his hips, steadying him. A wave of desire flooded through him as he merely nodded.

There were so many reasons why he shouldn't do what he did next. So many reasons that he pointedly ignored, as he held onto Rafael's hands, lifting them up his lean body until his arms rested on Sonny's shoulders.

He would never have Rafael, but he could pretend for a song, if the lawyer would have him.

When he made no attempt to move his arms, or stop his hips, Sonny slowly moved his hands. From Rafael's own, down his arms. Just as strong as Sonny had imagined. From Rafael's arms, down his sides, savouring every muscle and movement. Down until his hands rested on Rafael's hips.

The whole time, Rafael's eyes were locked to his own. Sonny had never felt so connected to another person in his entire life.

Just when he thought this couldn't get any better, when he thought it had gone on long enough, Rafael took a step forward and pushed their hips together. They were grinding in one fluid movement now, their faces mere inches away from each other. Sonny gazed into Rafael's eyes, which were normally the most perfect shade of green, now darkened with lust. Lust Sonny never thought he'd be on the receiving end of.

This whole night had been a risk.

What was one more?

Sonny leaned in slightly, pressing his hips further against Rafael. Just as he did, the shorter man did something Sonny never would have expected. He spun around, pressed his perfect ass against Sonny's crotch, his hands placed over Sonny's own, and he began swaying his hips again.

It was almost too much to handle, being so close to Rafael. He dropped his head in close to Rafael's neck, if anything just to say he had been so close to perfection. As he did, Rafael surprised him once again, by lifting a hand to the back of Sonny's neck and pulling him in closer.

It was everything Sonny had wanted ever since he'd met Rafael.

Holding onto him, bodies flush against each other, feeling each other's movements.

Sonny's eyes tracked the tiniest bead of sweat, rolling down Rafael's cheek.

In a moment of pure, raw desire, Sonny took the final step.

He softly pressed his lips against Rafael's neck, just below his ear, capturing the drop of sweat.

Rafael gripped his neck tighter, and pushed his ass against him further, and Sonny prayed it was a sign to keep going.

Any uncertainty was fucking demolished when Rafael turned his head slightly, meeting Sonny's eyes. He leaned in. Their lips were so close, Sonny could feel Rafael breathing on him.

Then all he could feel was wet.

Some moron spilled their drink all over the two men, causing them to jump apart.

“What the fuck?!” Sonny yelped, inspecting the damage. He brought his eyes to Barba, who was similarly shocked.

The moment had passed.

“I uh- I should go home.”

Sonny nodded, following him back to the booth, willing his brain to remember this night.

 

They stepped into the cool air, sobering up in the brisk breeze. Neither had spoken a word as they settled their tabs.

“Well-” Sonny started.

“Fancy a night cap?”

Of all the things Sonny had expected Barba to say, this had not been one of them.

Every part of his body screamed no. Ached with warning, that this wasn't right. His heart, however…

“Lead the way, Counselor.”

 

They didn't speak in the cab.

They didn't speak on the sidewalk.

And for a moment, Sonny was certain they weren't going to speak in the elevator.

His brain was trying to comprehend what was going to happen.

He had definitely kissed Barba's neck. Not only had he kissed him, but Barba seemed to like it. They had practically rutted against each other on the dancefloor, like teenagers at a house party. And Barba seemed to want it. Then when given the opportunity to call it a night, Barba had invited Sonny to his place. He wanted Sonny there.

Alarm bells were ringing in his head.

This wasn't right.

Not like this.

“Barba, I-” They turned to each other in sync, just as the elevator doors opened. Barba placed a hand in front of the doors to stop them from closing. His eyes were hopeful. “I think I should go home.” And then they weren't.

He nodded. He understood.

“Right.”

Sonny couldn't think of any way to salvage the situation, to rid himself of the guilt he was feeling. In a bout of impulse, he stuck his hand out to shake Barba's. The lawyer glanced from Sonny's hand and back to his face.

He clasped his hand around Sonny's, firm yet gentle.

“Goodnight, Counselor.” He didn't let go.

“Goodnight, Detective.” Neither did Rafael.

They stopped shaking, but still held on. Rafael's eyes flickered to Sonny's lips, gradually mapping his face until their eyes met once again.

Then in one swift movement, Rafael pulled Sonny forward, colliding their mouths together in one passionate kiss.

A kiss that said 'I need to do this at least once.’

A kiss so good that Sonny would sell his soul for it to never end.

A kiss that was over all too soon.

They broke apart, foreheads pressed against each other, hands still clasped together between them.

Sonny searched Rafael's eyes for a clue as to what this meant.

Rafael's own eyes were searching Sonny's for a similar hint.

What was one more risk?

 


	6. Lavender, Shmavender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He may never admit it, but he clearly was looking for someone to love him as much as he loved them.  
> Could Rafael be that person?  
> A knock at the door drew him from his thoughts.  
> Yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're done! This AU was literally so ridiculous, and so much fun to write, and I'm so glad people enjoyed everything so far! Thank you for sticking through the OOC-ness, and the slow burn, and everything else. Your kind words have meant the world to me.  
> Now have fun with this mixed bag of emotions for the last chapter!  
> And always remember, kudos/comments are always appreciated.  
> Enjoy my trash!

It had been five seconds since Rafael had pulled away from Sonny's perfect, pink lips. Five seconds since they had both taken a shuddering breath. Five seconds since Rafael had been jolted back to reality.

He could blame the alcohol, except not really. He wasn't drunk. Maybe a little tipsy.

He could blame Sonny, except he really couldn't. He had pressed himself against Sonny. He had asked Sonny home. He had yanked him forward, capturing his lips with his own.

He couldn't blame anyone but himself.

“I- I should-” Sonny started, though he made no attempt to move. That is until the elevator doors tried closing on both of them, hitting Rafael's shoulders, causing them to bounce apart.

Rafael cleared his throat, as Sonny stepped back into the elevator.

Christ, he looked so vulnerable. Open. Ready to take whatever Rafael would give him. Another wave of impulse washed over Rafael, and with two long strides he pressed Sonny against the wall of the elevator, kissing him once again.

Instantly, Sonny's hands found Rafael's lower back, just as Rafael's hands found the back of Sonny's neck. Their tongues found each other softly, tentatively exploring the other man's mouth. Overcome with desire, Rafael placed his leg between Sonny's, causing the younger man to grind on it slightly. A moan escaped his throat, and Rafael was sure he had never heard such a perfect sound before.

Then it ended, and Sonny's hands were pushing at Rafael's shoulders.

He reluctantly complied, knowing that it was over. He stepped away, avoiding Sonny's piercing gaze.

“I'll see you at work, Detective,” he muttered, turning to leave, only to see the doors had shut. He pressed the open button. And then again. The doors were certainly taking their time. “Oh come on,” he whispered, frantically pressing the open button over and over, until finally the doors responded.

He stepped out into the hallway. Just as the doors closed, he turned back to take one last look.

Sonny's cheeks were tinged pink, his lips swollen and plump, his hair perfectly tustled. Rafael was once again overcome with the urge to kiss the beautiful man. He didn't though. The doors closed, with neither man breaking eye contact.

 

Rafael stormed into his apartment, ripping off his suit jacket and collapsing onto the couch. He ran a hand over his face and through his hair.

He knew he was physically attracted to Sonny. He knew that. He wasn't blind.

He knew that he appreciated the man's work ethic, his professionalism with the things that mattered. That was a given.

He didn't think his feelings extended past that.

Yet here he was, racking through all of their interactions, trying to decipher the moment his feelings grew past the physical and professional.

He couldn't be with Carisi.

Could he?

For starters, there was the overwhelming age difference. 

Then there was the ridiculous accent, although was it so ridiculous? Or was it endearing?

Rafael couldn't forget the vulgar innuendo, which was barely passable as humour at the best of times. And yet, Sonny did make him laugh, albeit against his will half the time. Plus he had admitted it wasn't really him, more a byproduct of an overly macho NYPD environment. A few more months on Liv's squad would stamp that out of him.

Then there were the absolutely abhorrent notions of love. But even those made sense now. The man had given himself over to love before, and every time had never received it back. He may never admit it, but he clearly was looking for someone to love him as much as he loved them.

Could Rafael be that person?

A knock at the door drew him from his thoughts.

Yes.

He leaped from his lounge, practically running to the door, ready to give Sonny an explanation at the very least. He opened the door.

“Surprise!” Colin greeted him, holding up a bottle of wine and a bag of groceries.

A multitude of conflicting emotions flooded through Rafael.

“Colin. Hi. What are- what are you doing here?”

Without warning, Colin made his way into the apartment, giving Rafael a quick peck on the cheek as he did.

“Well, I know how much you wanted to have a romantic weekend, and I figured you'd be home late,” he explained, unpacking things into Rafael's kitchen. “So I thought I'd bring the romance to you. Some good food, candles, champagne.”

He knew he shouldn't. That it would push him over the edge. He glanced to the label on the wine bottle Colin was trying to open. Sparkling wine.

“Colin, listen-”

The doctor stopped what he was doing, and gave Rafael a soft, begging look.

“I know you're probably tired, but one drink Rafi? For me?”

Rafael glanced back to the door. Sonny wouldn't come back. He shook his head slightly, an attempt to stamp out how disappointed he felt.

“Sure.”

Colin smiled that almost-too-perfect smile, and went back to opening the bottle.

The loud crack of the cork popping sounded throughout the apartment, followed by the bubbling liquid shooting all over Colin's shirt.

“Oh my god.” Rafael moved straight over to the man. “That's not good, are you alright?”

“Ah, a little cold,” Colin replied, placing the wine bottle onto the bench.

“Listen, take it off. I'll get you a towel and a dry shirt.”

Rafael quickly escaped to the solace of his bedroom, wondering what to do next.

  
  


______________

  
  
  


Sonny had tried leaving the building five times. Five times he stepped up to the doorway to exit, and five times he had stormed back to the elevator, his finger hovering over the button to call it.

Here he was now, fifth time around, finger ready to push the button, with something stopping him.

He had thought he had been in love in the past. Every time, he had given himself over wholeheartedly, letting the other man into every single part of him. And every single time, he had been cracked open and exposed, leaving crevices of despair in its destruction. He had believed nothing would repair him. That he was damaged beyond control. He had accepted this, and reinvented himself as someone who would never be hurt again. He would play the part the world had designed for him. He would participate in the game of dating, following the rules without ever letting himself become attached.

And then he met a beautiful older man who still believed. 

Believed in relationships, in finding happiness, in the whole concept of love.

He had tried to show Rafael his way. That playing the game was the only way to ensure a connection without heartbreak.

As he contemplated whether or not to press the button, he realised.

Rafael had shown him _his_ way.

Rafael had shown him how to believe.

Rafael had taken his pain, and piece by piece had healed him.

He pushed the button so hard his finger hurt.

 

He bounced on his toes in the elevator. He could do this. He just had to knock on the door, and before Rafael could cut him off, he would tell him how he feels.

He would say, 'Rafael, no one has ever pushed me to be better than myself quite like you.’

He would say, 'Rafael, no one has ever tried to understand and know the real me, like you have done.’

He would say, 'Rafael, you may not feel the same way, but I need you to know that you have shown me that love is possible. And I think I believe it again. And I think I've found it in you.’

He would say all of that, and he would expose himself, and he would not regret it for one second.

His feet and body acted of their own accord, and before he knew it, he was standing in front of Rafael's door.

He almost turned away.

Instead he knocked.

There was the sound of movement behind the door, and Sonny was about to take off sprinting down the hall, but he stood his ground. 

He could do this.

The door opened.

He couldn't do this.

The first thing Sonny saw were abs. Flat, toned, perfect abs. He lifted his eyes to be met with Colin's curious expression.

“Sonny, what a nice surprise. What are you doing here so late?”

He could feel bile rising up the back of his throat, but he fought to keep it down.

“I- uh-”

“Colin, who's at the-” Barba froze, staring at Sonny over his boyfriend's shoulder.

Because, of course, Barba had a fucking boyfriend. A fucking perfect, amazing boyfriend, who ticked off everything Barba had ever wanted. “Sonny.”

He couldn't do this, so he didn't.

“Liv asked me to stop by. Said to let you know she'll need to see you first thing Monday.”

“She sent you all the way here to say that?” Colin asked, making space for Barba as he approached the doorway, begging Sonny to look at him. He wouldn't though. He couldn't.

“Yeah, perks of being the new guy. Sorry, I'm interrupting the romantic weekend, aren't I?”

“No, I-” Barba tried to say.

“A little, but it's alright.” Colin cut in. “If it's important for Rafi to know, it's fine.”

He could feel the bitter bile creeping up again.

“Well, I'll leave you and _Rafi_ be. Enjoy your night.”

He walked down the hall, trying desperately to fight back tears. He would not cry.

“Sonny.” God, he wished he could ignore that voice. Instead, he turned around.

Rafael had followed him down the hall. Sonny noted his apartment door was shut.

“Yes, Counselor?”

Rafael flinched at the use of his job title and not his name.

“Listen, he surprised me. I wasn't expecting-”

“Me to show up? To see the start of your perfect night?”

Rafael shook his head.

“No, I wasn't expecting him to show up. I thought-”

“Thought what?” He could hear how bitter and worked up he sounded, but he didn't care. “Thought you'd use me to get yourself all turned on and ready to go for your perfect man?”

There was that word again. Perfect. How could Sonny ever think he could ever have competed against perfection?

“No, that's not what I'm saying. Would you let me finish?” Rafael snapped. Sonny just shrugged. “I thought it was you. When he knocked… I wanted it to be you.”

Sonny scoffed, which was clearly not the reaction Rafael had expected.

“Yeah, right. You don't have to lie to me, Barba. I'm not a child.”

Rafael's brows furrowed.

“No, but you're certainly acting like one right now.”

Sonny's hands began to shake with rage. How was this on him? How was any of this on him?

“Well I'm sorry I'm a little pissed off, but I guess I shouldn't be. You were just doing what I taught you, and I've got to say, you've managed to out-do me.”

“What on earth does that mean, Sonny?”

He wanted nothing more than to shut himself up and leave.

“It means, you did everything right. You used your body, you teased perfectly, did everything you could to win your man. Congratulations, you got exactly what you wanted. We both did.”

Rafael took a deep breath, an attempt to calm himself down, before he took a step closer to Sonny.

“Did we? Did we both get what we wanted?” If Sonny was willing to believe it, he would see the earnest, begging look in Rafael's eyes. The look that was praying Sonny would stay.

He couldn't believe it though.

He couldn't.

All he saw was another man, willing to rip out his heart and demolish it. To give him hope, only to choose someone else.

“Yep.” he spat out with a sick smile on his face, before turning around to leave. 

“Is that true?” Sonny prayed there would be a day when he wouldn't stop for that voice.

He glanced back, refusing to make eye contact.

“It's the truth.”

He left without another word.

  
  


______________

  
  
  


Rafael could have followed after Sonny. He could have spun him around, said everything he needed to say with a sweeping, romantic kiss. He didn't though. He knew that wouldn't work. Instead, he retreated back into his apartment.

_ Coward. _

“Everything alright?” 

He'd almost forgotten he had another man in his apartment. A sweet, beautiful man, holding two glasses of wine, waiting patiently for Rafael on the lounge.

“Yeah. Just had to ask him about a case,” he sighed out, taking a seat next to Colin and grabbing his glass.

“So, I brought some food if you haven't eaten yet?” he offered, gesturing to the coffee table. Rafael hadn't even noticed the set-up. Cheese and crackers, grapes, chocolate-coated strawberries, all delicious and beautiful, surrounding by a single rose in the middle. Then he spotted it, next to the bottle of sparkling wine.

“Is that-”

“Yeah, you liked it so much last time.”

Rafael bit back the torrential wave of snark that surged through him, purely at the sight of fucking caviar.

“Colin, I have to ask you something.”

He seemed a little surprised.

“Ah, sure. Go ahead.” Before Rafael could go down this path, he chugged back the contents of the wine glass. “Whoa, everything alright Rafi?”

Rafael shuddered at the sound of the nickname.

“Why do you like me?”

Colin froze.

“This feels like a trap.”

“Not a trap. I'd really like to know.”

He took a thoughtful sip of his own wine.

“Okay. Well for starters, I think you're unbelievably sexy. I like that you're kind, and smart.” Rafael nodded along. This was good. “I really like that you’re uncomplicated too.”

“How so?”

Colin shrugged.

“I don't know, you have such an intense career but you never seem to want to complain about it. You're so laidback, you know? Like, so many guys I know are so controlling, they have to nitpick every little thing, even down to the wine they drink. But not you, Rafi. You're easygoing.”

Rafael sat in silence for a moment. He then reached over to the bottle of wine, and topped his glass up.

“I'm not.”

“Not what?”

Rafael chuckled bitterly, taking a sip of wine.

“I'm not 'easygoing.’ I'm actually the opposite. I love making lists, and correcting people's grammar, and complaining about my day.”

“But you don't-”

“Do that?” he offered, throwing back more wine before standing up and pacing around the apartment. “Because I've been lying to you. I've been covering up these parts of myself because I was so terrified that if you saw the real me, you would run away screaming.” Colin placed his glass on the coffee table, without a coaster underneath. “See? That right there, put a damn coaster under the glass.”

He flinched, but did as Rafael instructed.

“I don't understand-”

“Why I did it? Some idiot gave me some really bad advice. I should have been honest from the start.”

Colin nodded.

“Show me. The real you.” Rafael turned away, shaking his head. He couldn't. “Come on, Rafi-”

And just like that, he whipped around and opened his mouth.

 

Rafael stormed past Carmen, large coffee in hand, without a single word, merely a gesture for her to follow.

She ran through everything he had for the day, however it was barely registering, simply a haze of white noise compared to his thoughts.

Colin had broken up with him. Or had Rafael broken up with Colin? After he had decimated him for things he had been holding back on for a month, they had agreed that maybe a relationship wasn't the best path for them. Rafael was just somewhat grateful Colin didn't feel the need to put a shirt on as he left. One last glimpse into what could have been his future, and one last reminder of why he was glad it wasn't.

As Carmen left the office, fully aware her words had made no impact, he finished his horrible coffee in three large, burning mouthfuls. A punishment of sorts, for ever letting Sonny leave. 

If he could go back, he would never have let him leave after the first kiss, let alone after seeing Colin. 

If he could go back, he would grab his hands and spend a lifetime convincing him he was worthy of love.

If he could go back…

His phone was ringing. He answered with merely a grunt, knowing who was on the other end.

“Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Or simply in the wrong bed?” 

“Rita if this is your pathetic attempt at deciphering where I'm at in my relationship, I'll save you the trouble of this terrible cross-examination. We broke up, I'm happy about it, and we're never speaking of it again.”

Rita chuckled into the speaker.

“I barely had to do anything, thank you for that. But that's not why I called.”

“Oh?”

“I just got off the phone with Karen Johnson. Remember her?”

Rafael racked his brain, recognising the name.

“Klepto Karen? From Harvard?” 

“The very same. At any rate, she was calling to brag about the law firm she's recently been promoted to name partner at.”

Rafael glimpsed through the files Carmen had handed, not taking in any of the words in front of him.

“Rita, is there a point to this story?”

“One of the things she felt the need to inform me of, you may be interested in knowing also.”

 

Rafael was bouncing on his toes in the elevator, filled with fury. He couldn't believe this. He couldn't believe after everything they had gone through… he couldn't believe this.

The doors opened, and he powered through them, one goal in mind.

Sonny was perched infuriatingly on the edge of Rollins desk, talking in-depth about something Rafael was more than happy to interrupt.

“Whoa, incoming,” Rollins warned quietly as she spotted Rafael surging towards them. Sonny barely had time to register him before Rafael unleashed.

“You took the job at Johnson-Hart.” Sonny opened his mouth to say something, but Rafael held up a hand to silence him. “You told me you weren't going to take the job, then you went ahead and did it anyway. What is wrong with you? I mean, I knew you were an idiot, but defense attorney Sonny? Really?”

He could feel the squad's eyes on him, but he truly did not care at this point.

“Barba, I-”

“No, don't you 'Barba’ me. I know that after everything that happened- I know that you're pissed off at me, but seriously? A damn defense attorney? I thought you were better than that.”

Liv stepped out of her office, clearly overhearing the commotion.

“Guys, maybe you should-”

“Pissed off?” Sonny fired back, clearly too angry to notice his boss standing right there. “Pissed off?! You know what, yes. Yes I am pissed off. I'm pissed that you clearly don't know me at all, because if you did you would know I would never take that job. I told them I would think about it, because after the weekend I had, I was feeling… I don't know, reckless. But if you had just waited five seconds before trying to tear me a new one, you would've heard me telling Rollins that I was going to call them and turn it down.”

Rafael felt sick. He had overreacted. Although, had he? He realised the problem he had wasn't that Sonny would be a defense attorney. It would be that he would lose him. That he would never see him again, aside from in the courtroom where they would be up against each other, and not in the way he wanted.

“Sonny, I-”

“No, you're going to listen. You don't get to barge in here after you used me, and act like you're some pure beacon of good decisions. Although I guess you've made the most perfect decision of all,” he mumbled bitterly, losing fire with every word he said. Rafael rolled his eyes.

“Maybe you two should-”

“Not now, Liv,” Rafael snapped at her before turning back to Sonny. “Don't think I've missed your comments about Colin. You think he's this perfect Adonis, when-”

“Because he is! Christ, you kissed me Barba!” The whole squad froze, whipping their heads between the two men. “You kissed me, you made me- you did that, then you ran back to your perfect little boyfriend-”

“Ex-boyfriend.”

Sonny stopped mid-tirade. 

“I'm sorry?”

“We broke up. After you left.”

Sonny finally looked Rafael in the eyes. He willed his body to be a picture of honesty. Of love.

“Guys?”

“What?!” They both yelled at Liv, Sonny's face instantly apologetic. “Oh god. I'm sorry, I just-”

“Go into my office. I think you both need to talk.” They looked back to each other, searching for what to do. “Now, Carisi.”

With the order from his boss, he followed through, storming straight into the office. Rafael waited a moment, realising the entire squad heard everything.

“Just go,” Liv ordered. “And Rafa? Play nice.”

 

When he stepped into the office and closed the door, he noticed Sonny was sitting on the edge of Liv's desk. 

“Christ Sonny, is it your life's mission to plant your ass on every desk you find?”

Sonny simply shook his head.

“Stop deflecting, Barba. What happened?”

Rafael sighed, pacing the room to avoid looking at Sonny.

“I… he didn't know the real me. And he didn't like the real me once he met him. It was for the best, really.” They both fell silent for a moment, unsure of what to say next. “He brought over caviar again.”

Sonny huffed out a laugh.

“What's this guy's deal with the damn fish eggs?”

Rafael shook his head, the beginnings of a smile creeping in.

“So you're not taking the job?” He prayed he had played a part in Sonny's decision.

“Nah. Not what I wanted.”

Their whole relationship from the start had been a risk. It had been a risk when Rafael trusted him with his relationship. It had been a risk when they had grown to enjoy each other's company. The risk had always been worth the reward, which was falling in love with Sonny.

Rafael took a step forward, closer.

“And what do you want?”

Their eyes locked, both praying the other felt the same way.

“The truth? I want… I want passion. I want arguments.” They both knew this wasn't about the firm anymore, but about them. Together. “I want someone who loves romance, but hates red roses. Which is fair, because they're a ridiculous cliché, and honestly? Daisies are better anyway. Sweeter. I want someone to roll their eyes when I make a bad joke, and to tell me how bad it was. I want someone who… who makes me want to be better.”

Rafael's heart was swelling with pure love. It was everything he had wanted, and more. Someone to not only see him for who he was, but to appreciate him.

“I want you,” he whispered, stepping closer again so he was almost between Sonny's legs.

“You know, I never thought I would fall in love with a control freak lawyer with a caffeine addiction.” Sonny looped his fingers around Rafael's suspenders, pulling him closer so they were almost pressed together. Another risk.

“I do not have a caffeine addiction, Sonny. I just have an appreciation for the intricacies of brewing a fine coffee, and at any rate, I don't even drink that much-”

“Rafael, I just told you I love you and you're standing here arguing with me about whether or not six cups of coffee a morning qualifies as an addiction.”

Rafael stopped, thinking back to what Sonny said.

He loved him.

They loved each other.

“I love you,” Rafael whispered, lifting a hand to Sonny's cheek, tenderly stroking it with his thumb. The younger man leaned into the touch.

“I love you, too.”

They both leaned in, meeting each other halfway, pressing their lips together.

Perfect.

 

“Rafael, would you hurry up and choose a damn tie already? We're gonna be late!”

He was standing in front of his mirror, holding up two ties. One a muted silver, guaranteed to make his eyes pop out. The other, a pale lavender, designed to compliment his skin tone.

“Sonny, I can't decide. You know, maybe-”

With that, Sonny burst into Rafael's room.

“Nuh-uh, you aren't getting out of this that easily,” he scolded, grabbing the ties out of Rafael's hands. “I like the purple.”

“Purple? Do you have eyes? This is lavender.”

“Lavender, Shmavender. It looks good on you.” Rafael rolled his eyes, but chose the tie anyway, looping it around his neck. As he did, Sonny stepped behind him, wrapping his arms around Rafael's stomach. “I love you.”

He would never get tired of hearing those words come out of Sonny's mouth.

“I love you too… but do I-”

“Yes, you're still going to meet my parents,” Sonny chuckled, pressing a well-placed kiss onto Rafael's neck, right on top of the place he first kissed. He would always kiss there, whenever he could, as if he was claiming Rafael. 

He loved it.

He loved Sonny.

God, he loved Sonny.

The young, brash, crude detective who had filled him with so much rage was gone. A cover. A mask, to protect himself from any pain. Rafael made it his life's mission to never let Sonny be that hurt or broken again.

Sure, they fought still. Just that morning they had bickered over whether or not pancakes and bacon was an acceptable choice for breakfast. (“Sonny Carisi, you are not twelve years old, you can't have whipped cream on bacon.”)

However morning banter, and afternoon arguments, and evening tiffs… it was basically foreplay for them. A reminder that their total honesty with each other was why they worked so well.

“I'm just worried,” he confessed once he'd finished with his tie.

Sonny still had his arms around him.

“I know. But trust me, they'll love you,” he reassured, leading Rafael to the living room to collect their things. “How could they not? You single-handedly prevented me from becoming the greatest douchebag of all time.”

Rafael laughed.

“I think you mean reverted you from already being the greatest douchebag of all time.”

Sonny playfully pushed Rafael, though his smile was warm, and loving, and the light of Rafael's world.

They stepped out of the doorway, hand in hand, walking down the hallway together.

Once in the elevator, Rafael heard something. A familiar sound. A buzzing. Sonny squirmed slightly, before reaching into his pocket and handing something to Rafael. A remote.

“Sonny, is this-”

“I figure this is payback for Liv's birthday dinner.”

“You're wearing the thong? Right now?” Sonny's pale cheeks were flushing perfectly, and Rafael had never felt so attracted to another man in his life. “Are you insane?”

“Maybe.” He then leaned in close, whispering in Rafael's ear. “Later you can use the spatula again, if you'd like.”

The elevator doors opened, and Sonny sauntered out, purposefully shaking his ass as he went. Rafael laughed heartily.

Sonny Carisi would be the absolute death of him, and he loved every second of it.

 


End file.
